[Intro]
Hey now! Hey!
Hey! Do you know what you are?
You're an asshole! Asshole!

[Verse 1]
Some of you might not agree
'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery
But think a while and you will see

[Chorus]
Broken hearts are for assholes
Broken hearts are for assholes, are you an asshole?
Broken hearts are for assholes, are you an asshole too?
Whatcha gonna do, 'cause you're an asshole

[Post-Chorus]
No no no, yeah yeah yeah
I said you are an asshole!

[Verse 2]
Maybe you think you're a lonely guy
And maybe you think you're too tough to cry
So you went to The Grape just to give it a try

And Dagmar
Without a doubt, the ugliest son of a bitch
I've ever seen in my life
Was his name
One, two, three, four!
The whiskers sticking out
From underneath of his pancake make-up
And yet, he was a beautiful lady
Nearly drove you insane
Let's talk about leather (leather)
And so you kissed a little sailor
Tex Abel, starring in the latest Shepperton Production
Who had just blew in from Spain
Sir Richard Pump-A-Loaf
You sniffed the reeking buns of Angel
The tale of a demented bread-boffer
And acted like it was cocaine
Cucumber pud annexed to a fine whole-wheat loaf
You were dazzled by the exciting new costume of Ko-Ko
Then on Tuesday night, Caesar's back in town
In a way you can't explain
Facing off in a no-holds-barred
Tag team grudge match With Kona
And so you worked the wall with Michael
Three-hundred-seventy-nine pounds of Samoan dynamite
Which gave your back an awful strain (Volcanic Hell)
But you came back on Sunday for the Gong Show
Next Thursday, teen town's finest [?]
But you forgot what I was sayin'
[Hook]
'Cause you're an asshole, you're an asshole, that's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole, yes, yes
You're an asshole, you're an asshole, that's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole

[Break]
Well, now you been to The Grape and you been to The Chest
And now I think you know what you are: you're an asshole

[Verse 3]
You say you can't live with what you been through
Well, ladies, you can be an asshole too
You might pretend you ain't got one on the bottom of you

[Rre-Refrain]
But don't fool yourself girl, it's lookin' at you
Don't fool yourself girl, it's winkin' at you
Don't fool yourself girl, it's blinkin' at you
That's why I say

[Refrain]
I'm gonna ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up your poop chute (Corn hole)
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up your poop chute (Fist fuck)
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up your poop chute (Wristwatch Crisco)
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up your poop chute (Pud!)
[Outro]
Don't fool yourself, girl
It's goin' right up your poop chute
Don't fool yourself, girl
It's goin' right up your poop chute
Don't fool yourself, girl
It's goin' right up your poop chute
Don't fool yourself, girl
It's goin' right up your poop chute
Don't fool yourself, girl
It's goin' right up your poop chute
Don't fool yourself, girl
It's goin' right up your-

[Segue]
Aw, I knew you'd be surprised...