Call me Efrem Zimbalist
Get me Bobby Kennedy
Then call Dave Ben-Gurion, too
Then tell Carol Baker I'm home, now;
Tell her Mastroianni sends love from Rome now

Then get Hank Mancini
And tell him Fred Fellini is waiting;
Where the heck is the song?
Order Scotch and ice and then
Ring up Barbra Streisand and
Then set up a conference call
With Sammy Davis and Charles de Gaulle

Call me Walter Cronkite
And tell him Nancy Dickerson said
That David Brinkley was wrong
Then get Conrad Hilton in Bombay;
Tell him Tuesday night I want peaches flambe

Call Chief Justice Warren
And tell him Sophie Loren is worried;
Is she married or not?
Then call Arthur Schlesinger;
No, no, send a messenger
With the saddest news of the bunch:
Tell Lady Bird I'll be late for lunch
Dial up Liberace
And, while up, Joe Valachi
And tell him Lucky sends his regards
Find out where Onassis' barge is;
Call him, ship-to-shore, and reverse the charges

Locate Melvin Belli
And tell Mel when I fell I
Was scratched by Princess Margaret's rose
Then call Lollabrigida
This week she's in Wichita
And then, when you reach Cary Grant
Tell him I'd love to, but I just can't