First you tell your draft board you're hooked on dope
You don't need the army 'cause you've seen Bob Hope
Walk around the floor kinda nice and loose
Tell 'em your fiancee's name is Bruce

When they ask about your schooling, then you say
That you studied under Cassius Clay
Then put some lipstick on when you're photographed
And that's what I call dodging the draft!

Then you show the captain a note from mom
Stand there while he reads it and suck your thumb
When he takes your family history, state with pride
"Benedict Arnold was on my father's side."

He'll hand you an IQ test, just look at it with gloom
Then fold it like an airplane and sail it 'cross the room
If they believe you don't know your fore from your aft
That's what I call...shirking your military responsibility

Clump around the floor like your feet are flat
When they ask about your hearing, just say, "How's that?"
If the sergeant wants a cigarette, treat him right
Set fire to your draft card, and offer him a light

When you see the eyechart, don't worry at all
Say, "I'll be glad to read it, just point me at the wall."
And if the draft board acts in the usual way
You'll be what I call 1-A