(parody of "That Old Black Magic" by Glenn Miller & His Orchestra
From the movie "Star-Spangled Rhythm")

That old back scratcher has me in its spell
That old back scratcher like the Chinese sell
Your plastic fingers up and down my spine
The same old itchcraft when your touch meets mine
You tame that tingle when I'm all alone;
For I am single, so, to itch his own
So down and down you go
Around and around and around you go;
Scratching my unreachable zone

I should throw you away
But I never do;
I must give in to itchy skin
A skin with such a burning desire;
When I'm scratching low
The itching gets higher

Oh, you're the scrubber that placated me
That chased each place that irritated me;
And then, last night, you broke my heart
Because I sat down on you
Two hundred pounds on you
Then, snap, crack
Everything just went black
My wonderful old back scratcher fell apart
Yes, you broke in half
And now you're too short;
I tried Scotch tape as a last resort
But with Scotch tape it wasn't the same;
The thrill that was wild is suddenly tame

But, Old Man Sorrow will not get me down;
I leave tomorrow night for Chinatown
For I must follow Heaven's plan:
Around and around I'll go
Through Chinatown I'll go
Hoping to find another one just like you
An old Chinese back scratcher made in Japan!