ADRIAN MOLE
Honestly my family just don't understand me. Perhaps when I'm famous and my diary is discovered, people will understand the torment of being a 13 3/4 year-old intellectual

It's so hard being deep
I'm forever losing sleep
Thinking grand and amazing things
Like the birds and the bees
How they make the holes and cheese
And philosophies of kings
And although I've got plans
It seems no one understands
All the torment
Can't they see?
That life is so hard
For an intellectual boy like me

I know! I'll send my poem to the BBC. Yеs! They'll know what to do with it. There's loads of intеllectuals there

Dear man at the BBC
Here's a piece of my poetry
It's by me
And you'll agree it's very smart
Like a little piece of art
And I know it all by heart
Good start
It could go on the radio
You could put it on your show
After a piece on violent dogs Walthamstow
Everyone will know "The Tap"
It will put me on the map
What a piece of poetry
Seriously
These words they just flow out of me
And surely you're bound to agree
What this intellectual boy can be
Yes, that's bound to impress Pandora! It's genius! As soon as she hears my poem live on Radio 4, she'll fall head over heels in love with me!

ADRIAN MOLE / (ENSEMBLE)
When I'm on the BBC
Everyone will look at me
What a sharp and dapper chap I'll have to be
I will grow a big mustache
I'll be looking really flash
And the world will listen 'cause
When you're 13 3/4
They don't really care
But I'm 13 3/4
I'm so nearly there
Just watch me I swear
I'll be brave
I'll be strong
I'll be friends with Elton John
And my spots will have gone away (his spots will have gone away)
I'll be tall
I'll be lean
I'll be every woman's dream
And I'll have sex every day (every day)
And I won't live in strife
'Cause I'll find myself a wife
Who will always make my tea
So man at the BBC (Man at the BBC)
Please take a chance on me
So Mum and Dad and Grandma
And everyone around will see
ENSEMBLE
His name up in lights

ADRIAN MOLE / ENSEMBLE
What an intellectual man
I'll be

ADRIAN MOLE
I hope they like it. I wrote it in pen
Yours faithfully
Adrian Albert Mole