KAZAKHSTAN MINISTRY OF INFORMATION PRESENTS
A MINISTRY OF AGRICULTURE AND WILDLIFE PRODUCTION
IN ASSOCIATION WITH ALMATY CENTRE FOR DISEASE CONTROL
(chorus singing melancholy song in foreign language)
BORAT: Jangshemash. My name a Borat. My life is nice. Not. But how I end up like this?
14 year ago, I release a moviefilm which was great success in US&A. But Kazakhstan become a laughingstocks around the world. Our exports of potassium and pubis plummet. Many brokers leapt from our tallest skyscrapers.
Since Running of Jew had been canceled, all Kazakhstan had left was Holocaust Remembrance Day, where we commemorate our heroic soldiers who ran the camps.
I was blamed for Kazakhstan’s failure and banned from ever make reportings again. I was publicly humiliate.
A Kazakh plays a strongman game, which is revealed to have Borat in that infamous mankini atop it, so the propelled puck hits him in the groin.
BORAT:
Ow! Wawaweewa!
(cheering)
I was sentence for life to hard labor in gulag. But 14 year later, men from government bring me to presidential palace.
PRESIDENTIAL PALACE
Almaty
Premier Nazarbayev!
Listen carefully, asshole. I have a mission for you.
BORAT: He explain that, while I was in gulag, US&A was ruin by an evil man who stood against all American values. His name? Barack Obama. This led to other Africans becoming political leaders. But then a miracle occurred. A magnificent new premier name McDonald Trump rose to power and made America great again. He also became buddies with tough-guy leaders across the world: Putin, Kim Jong-un, Bolsonaro and Kenneth West.
PREMIER: Everyone apart from me. You, Sagdiyev… will return to US&A to deliver a gift so that Kazakhstan will earn the respect of Trump.
BORAT: I was instruct not to give the gift to Trump, since, on previous mission, I had accidentally made shit in front his house. So, it must go to someone in his inner circle. America’s most famous ladies man – Michael Pence.
BORAT: The vice premier was known to be such a pussy hound that he could not be left alone in a room with a womans.
What is the gift?
PREMIER:Johnny the Monkey.
BORAT: Johnny the Monkey, Kazakhstan’s Minister of Culture and number one porno star.
PREMIER: A cameraman will follow you to document your mission.
BORAT: I will need my producer, Azamat Bagatov.
PREMIER: Impossible.
BORAT: Why?
PREMIER: You are sitting on him.
Borat gets up and sees that the chair is covered in Azamat's skin - and his penis is at the back of the seat.
Also, get me a chocolate cake. Now, get him ready!
♪ ♪
These gypsy tears will keep you safe.
(man singing lively song in foreign language)
BORAT: Before I make commencings my mission, I returned to my village in order to give kiss to my sons and make sexy time with my wife.
BORAT:I’m back, everybody! I’m back!
BORAT:But I discovered that my neighbor, Nursultan Tulyakbay, had taken everything from me: my Mikhael the Mouse pajamas and my sons, Bilak, Biram and Hueylewis.
HUEYLEWIS: That not my name anymore. I’m so ashamed of you, I change it to… Jeffrey Epstein.
(all shouting)
BORAT: All I had left was my livestocks: two pigs, one cow and a daughter.
Inside a shack, a filthy and unkempt brunette watches a portable TV, which plays a cartoon scored by gentle orchestral music
NARRATOR (over TV): Once upon a time, there was a lowly peasant girl called Melania from shithole country Slovenia who dreamed of marrying a rich old man.
BORAT: I have a non-male son?
TUTAR: Daddy?
BORAT:Why are you living like this?
TUTAR: Because I have no husband to put me in a beautiful wife cage. Unlike that bitch, Lilyat Sakanov!
BORAT: Mm. How old are you?
TUTAR: Fifteen.
BORAT: Fifteen?!?? You’re the oldest unmarried woman in all Kazakhstan!
TUTAR: I’m so happy that you’re back.
BORAT: I’m not. I’m off to US&A.
TUTAR: Please take me with you!
BORAT: Not possible.
(yelling in Kazakh)
Please Daddy.
(speaks Kazakh)
Here… have a piece of onion instead.
MAN: Sagdiyev. Johnny’s in the crate. You must leave now.
Uh… nice to meet you.
(grunts)
I go to America!
(crowd jeering)
Go to hell, Sagdiyev! Don’t bother coming back this time!
(crowd booing)
Get lost! May all your shits have antlers!
BORAT: It was time for me to return to Yankeeland to save my peoples.
(shouts)
Title card appears reading BORAT – Gift of Sexy Monkey to Vice Premier Mikhael Pence for Make benefit Recently Diminished Nation of Kazakhstan
While Johnny traveled by luxury cruise ship, I was placed on cargo boat and arrived 22 days later.
(group singing upbeat song in foreign language)
PORT OF GALVESTON
Texas
That afternoon, I procure a sleeping apartment for Johnny and transform it into accommodation suitable for an ape of his stature.
Welcome to US&A!
While waiting for Johnny, I decide to make inspection of nearest village.
MAN (Kazakh accent): My name a Borat.
What do you say?
Borat.
No, it’s not me.
High five.
No, that’s… (stammers) I must go.
There was problem. People make recognize my face.
(excited chatter)
BORAT: Not me.
I’ll pay you a dollar for an autograph.
You make mistake.
Can I get an autograph?
BORAT: It not me.
Yeah, it somebody else.
(excited chatter)
(tires screeching)
BORAT:
Or maybe it was gray suit.
MAN:
Borat!
I’m not Borat.
Borat! -Yeah, you are.
Yeah, you are. Can’t deny it.
I’m not Borat.
(people cheering)
BORAT: How would I do my secretive mission if I was famous? I would need disguises.
Ah. What is this?
SALESMAN: That almost looks like you.
BORAT: What is that? “Stupid foreigner reporter”?
SALESMAN: Yeah. Kind of looks like you. You got the dark hair and the mustache.
No, but this is not like me.
SALESMAN: I mean, it does look like you. No?
SALESMAN: Take care. You’re welcome. Have a good day.
BORAT: Much had changed since I was last in US&A. America had become calculator crazy. I needed to make purchasings of an electrical abacus.
I think we could get rid of this one for $30.
Ah. -Mm-hmm.
(phone ringing)
What this?
FaceTime.
Yes?
And now…
Hello?
Hello.
Who this?
This is Brian.
Hello. I talk to him. Please be quiet.
Hello? Ghost with blue shirt, answer me.
You are demon?
This guy that you’re seeing in the phone…
Please be quiet.
…is me.
What? -If I say something, he says something.
Brian Brother, please, you must be quiet. Speakings not polite.
So I’m gonna show you how you can ask Google questions and it’ll give you answers.
I can make it typings?
Yes.
“Restaurants near me.”
Mm-hmm.
BORAT: Maybe I look for food that I like to eat.
And for dessert, um…
What this?
Ah…
That’s not what you’re talking about, I bet.
This is for dessert?
No, this is probably what you’re looking for.
It have a pictures of a woman with no clothes?
Most likely.
Wawaweewa.
Can I make borrowings this, for one moment?
Sure.
I need go, uh, toilet.
(chuckles softly)
Uh, you stay here.
(door creaks)
(woman moaning over TV)
(chuckles softly)
I think he’s figuring it out.
♪ ♪
BORAT: Brian help me use calculator to find out that Johnny the Monkey would be deliver in three hours’ time. I was excite.
(group singing upbeat song in foreign language)
How you doing, my friend?
I’m Victor. -Yeah.
Pleased to meet you.
Nice meet you. (kisses)
You want me to help you open it? -Uh, yes, please.
BORAT: Johnny?
Your Excellency?
What are you doing here?
I accidentally fell in.
(speaks Kazakh) …Johnny?
Johnny?
Johnny?
Johnny?
(flies buzzing)
(screams)
(speaks Kazakh)
BORAT: You ate him…?
TUTAR: No. He ate himself.
BORAT: (sighs) You are going home!
(speaking Kazakh)
Can you help me repack her, please?
(speaking Kazakh)
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
(both speaking Kazakh)
(girl yells)
Hammer, now. Now, now. Hammer.
(muffled): Tatti!
(shouting in Kazakh)
Thank you, my friend.
Thank you.
Uh, thank you.
BORAT: I needed to give this wretched news to my premier, so I used my telephones to locate America’s fax machine.
BORAT: I need to, uh, make a contact with, uh, my premier, Nazarbayev. I must inform him of some news.
Okay. What do you want it to say?
BORAT: “Sup.” S-U-P.
That it?
BORAT: Mm-hmm.
MAN: Okay.
(fax machine beeps, whirs)
He sent you back, he said “S-U-P” with a question mark after it.
“Sup?”
Ah.
BORAT: Can you answer him, “Chillin’”? C-H-I-L-L-I…
He sent you a picture this time.
It is a penis picture.
BORAT: This is him. It’s strange.
Okay.
“Sorry. Not for you. I was sexting my sister.”
(pounding on glass)
(speaking Kazakh)
BORAT: Uh, sorry.
(fax machine whirs)
“How is Johnny?”
BORAT: Can you write, uh, “He not as alive as he used to be”?
MAN: That’s it?
What did he write?
He sent you a bunch of angry faces.
“If you do not deliver bribe to get me into strongman club, you will be execute. You will find a new gift for him or you will die.”
What-what else do, uh, powerful men here like?
(exhales sharply)
NEWSWOMAN: (over TV): …NBC talk show.
TRUMP: I’m gonna get great ratings on your show.
NEWSWOMAN: Trump is surrounded by women as music blares in the background. Trump gestures to one and appears to say to Epstein, “Look at her back there. She’s hot.”
BORAT: Can you write, uh, “My daughter is here. Shall I give her as gift?”
What he say?
“Perfect. She will be sexy gift for Michael Pence.”
BORAT: Wawaweewa. High five.
(chuckles)
Come inside! Come inside!
(shushes)
TUTAR: Daddy, why is the sky so low?
BORAT: This is a room.
I’m sorry I escaped from box —
BORAT: Never mind, I forgive you. I have decide… that you will stay here with me. You have been chosen… to be given as a gift to the Vice President.
TUTAR: I will be the next Queen Melania?
BORAT: Mm-hmm.
TUTAR: She’s the happiest wife in the world!
(singing excitedly in foreign language)
Another title card, this time BORAT: Gift of Daughter to Mikhael Pence for Make Benefit Diminished Nation of Kazakhstan
♪ Hey! ♪
Uh… Now, where do girls sleep?
All the answers are in here… ‘Daughter Owner’s Manual.’
Official publication of Ministry of Agriculture and Wildlife.
Wait… you have a name?
TUTAR: Wawaweewa. Tutar.
I need one of these…
BORAT: Ah.
I know just the place!
(tires screech)
Beat you! (laughs)
(exhales)
MAN:
What can I help you with?
I prepare my daughter for market. And, uh, I am looking for, um, a suitable cage for her.
Okay. A cage? This is a pretty nice one here.
Oh!
900 bucks.
900? A lot of money.
Yeah. -BORAT: I think this one too expensive for you.
TUTAR: No, Daddy. Please, please? Please, please, please. I want it.
She want it.
(chuckles)
Daughters. (laughs)
Yeah.
Teenagers.
Yeah, you got to make them happy.
You got to make them happy.
Yeah.
How many other girls are gonna live in here with me?
(man chuckles)
BORAT: How many, uh, girls you normally put in a cage this size?
Uh, one.
But I hear, uh, McDonald Trump, he, uh, cage, uh, Mexican children?
Well…
Yes? High five. (laughs)
Yeah, yeah.
What is this?
You put gas in it, propane.
If I had a gypsy in a van and I opened the gas, will it finish him?
Yeah, that– Probably.
Yes?
Yeah.
How many gypsies could I finish with one canister?
However many you had in the van.
Let’s say I wanted to, uh, um, finish lives of 20 gypsy.
Would this be enough?
Maybe the bigger one.
Ah, the bigger one.
Yeah.
All right, you guys, your total is, uh,
$1,491.82.
Uh, too much. Maybe I take away some of this.
(both speaking Kazakh)
(shouting in Kazakh)
We take it all.
(orchestral music playing quietly over speaker)
NARRATOR: One day, she was invited to a grand ball. When Fat King Donald saw Melania… he became more turgid than he’d ever been before. So, he grabbed her vagine.
BORAT: Tutar.
Your palace…awaits.
Come see.
(stammers, chuckles)
Not allowed.
You like it?
It’s the best present I’ve ever had!
Is it nicer than Melania’s cage?
Not quite, but similar to cage of the wife before her… Stormy Daniels.
Ah.
Get some sleep.
Tomorrow we will get you ready for Pence.
Well, good night.
(door closes)
Daddy, I love you.
Thank you.
♪ ♪
There is so little wind in here!
Look at me! I’m flying!
Get inside.
Where are we going?
I’m taking you to meet one of America’s leading feminists.
Ooh.
Hi, I’m Macy.
MACEY CHANEL
Instagram Influencer
It’s nice to meet you.
Nice meet you.
Come sit with me.
You are sugar baby.
I am.
What is sugar baby?
So, pretty much, a sugar baby is a younger girl like you and I, and we’re dating someone who’s older.
Yes.
And how old do you like them?
That’s the question.
Nearly dead.
Okay, then, you should get someone who just had a heart attack.
Yes.
Okay, high five.
High five. -I love that.
That’s what you want.
As a woman, you never want to be a person who is aggressive.
You want to be more submissive.
Oh.
We have to be kind of weak.
But I’m strong.
I can open a beer with my small hole.
I can’t– I– Look, we got to be appropriate and ladylike.
Okay.
(grunts)
This is what you’re not supposed to do.
(cap pops)
Okay, you did do it.
Okay, so we’re not gonna do what you just did ever on a date.
’Cause if you do that, they won’t like you.
You want them to like you.
And so that way, you can get money from them.
What can I do to make a man like me?
You need a total makeover. Okay?
From face to hair to clothes to personality to gestures and to what you’re doing.
Yes.
Are you ready for a makeover?
Yes.
Okay.
♪ I’m coming… ♪
Can you come with me to the hairdresser?
No, what if they recognize me?
Just disguise yourself as an American.
♪ Out… ♪
I’m Melinda.
My name John Chevrolet.
Nice to meet you.
I want you to make a hotsie out of this notsie.
We can do it.
You want to see the hair?
I would like to see her hair, yes.
Okay.
No, ma’am. Not that hair.
I have a, um, idea of a hair.
Okay.
BORAT: This one. Nice one.
MELINDA: This is actually a gentleman.
This is a man?
Yes, sir.
♪ I’m coming out ♪
♪ I want the world to know… ♪
WOMAN: Okay, so we’re gonna do a spray tan today.
How dark is she wanting to go?
What color is best for racist family?
I would say right here.
I wouldn’t go any darker than a six or a seven.
TUTAR: Tatti.
Tatti. Monkey’s cock.
Don’t.
Delicious. -That is not to eat. -No, no, no.
And what, uh, flavor this one?
Can I…?
It’s not a flavor… Awesome.
It’s not so nice.
It’s not food. I told you that.
Wawaweewa.
(exhales)
♪ I want the world to know… ♪
I need dress with real sexy peels.
Okay.
Where is the “no means yes” section?
(both laughing)
Yes?
Okay, we need to try this on.
This is not a dress.
What this?
Uh, this is a bag…
Mm. -…that just goes over the dress.
Very nice.
Tutar, you like the dress?
Yes, I love it.
The man who own this, his name Michelle?
No.
This is my store.
My name’s Michelle, and I own this store.
What?
Yes.
Daddy, a woman can own a business?
Uh…
No, when a woman owns a business her brain breaks and her head falls off.
Just like the previous owners, look…
So young… tragic.
(Borat sighs)
Could a woman ever be a journalist?
No, it’s dangerous.
Look at the manual.
This happened when a woman tried to be a journalist.
What about driving a car?
Driving a car!?
This is what happened when a woman drove a car.
Can a woman ask questions?
Questions?
I think it’s dangerous.
Ah.
Time for bed.
Tomorrow you’ll observe how American girls behave in public.
♪ ♪
MAN (over speaker): Howdy, folks. Welcome.
Look, Daddy!
The fathers hold their daughter’s hands here!
He probably forgot to bring a leash.
Daddy, hold my hand or they will know you are fake
(Tutar laughs)
♪ ♪
(woman singing upbeat folk song in foreign language)
Could a daddy ever love a daughter as much as he love his sons?
No, any father who did that would be sentenced to death.
Uh-huh.
Howdy doody.
Hey, how are ya?
I would like purchase a cake.
Mm-hmm.
Prodigious size, made of chocolate for my glorious leader, please.
Okay.
BORAT: Can you put, um… message on it, please?
By the– Yes, sir.
What would you like on this?
Um…
“Jews… will not replace us.”
Okay.
And maybe smiley face underneath.
Okay.
To put him in a good mood.
Thank you.
You’re welcome.
If we could pack that up, please. Thank you.
Yes.
Is there anything else I can help you with?
This is enough.
Thank you very much.
You sure?
Yes, that’s it.
Okay, thank you.
I want to have a cake too.
No. Daughters are not allowed to have cake.
Please! Please! Please!
It is illegal to give you treat.
Teenagers. (chuckles)
(woman chuckles)
Please, give it to me, Daddy! Give it to me! Give it to me! Give it to me!
Okay, choose cake, choose cake.
WOMAN: A new one? Okay.
(giggling)
WOMAN: You want to pick it out?
I will regret this. (chuckles)
I want this one with the baby on it.
WOMAN: Okay.
BORAT: It have a lot of cream.
(both chuckle)
This is our little secret.
No, no, no.
I do not want the authorities to see.
Ooo! I can’t wait to eat this!
Hide back here.
Ready.
Okay, slow down!
But it’s so good!
I know, but go slower, slower!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
(gagging)
Are you ok?
I swallowed the baby.
Are you serious?
I swallowed the baby.
You’re not supposed to eat the baby!
(grunting)
Hurry, come with me!
We must get you to a doctor!
♪ ♪
I have a baby inside me.
MAN: Mm-hmm.
And I want to take it out of me.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
She want it out now, please.
Right, I…
Can you take it out?
No, we cannot.
That’s not what we do here.
And why not?
What you say, “take it out…”
Yes.
You end that life.
That-that life will die.
Well, it already dead. It not living.
No, it is living right now. It has a heart…
No, it this big.
It has a heartbeat right now.
I don’t think so.
It is a living, breathing life that God has created.
I don’t think he’s breathing.
We can show you that it’s breathing.
It hurt my stomach.
Mm-hmm.
And it will hurt my asshole.
Mm-hmm.
BORAT: If it come out, yes, because the-the arm, the arm like this.
It can tear it.
Right.
I feel bad because I was the one who put the baby in her.
You don’t need to feel bad.
I was just trying to give my daughter pleasure, and next thing I know, there is a baby inside her.
Mm-hmm.
You keep calling her your daughter.
Yes.
Okay.
Is he your father?
Yes.
This is your daughter?
BORAT: Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
I wanted to give my daughter a treat…
I understand. I… I don’t need to hear any…
And she was…
I don’t need to hear any more of that.
I understand…
She just had to…
…that-that she is…
But look at that face.
I understand.
How could I not give it to her?
I understand.
Would you have not give it to her?
I understand. Listen, uh, it really… That is not important right now. We’re at this moment. It really doesn’t matter how we got to this moment.
When he treat me, he said, “This will be our little secret.”
Yes, this is why I do it here behind a dumpster, so no… no one can see.
Now that you know that I am her father, can we take it out now, please?
God is the one who creates life. And God doesn’t make accidents.
(Tutar grunting)
BORAT: Push!
Oh, it hurt!
Hurt!
BORAT: Push out the baby!
(Tutar straining)
BORAT: Push it out.
TUTAR: Ooh, it hurt!
BORAT: Push…
(water splashes)
TUTAR: The baby, it out.
BORAT: Okay, flush it down.
But the Jesus people said we have to keep it.
BORAT: It disgusting. It smell retched.
Flush the baby away!
I’m keeping it.
Okay, okay.
Ah, she want to keep the baby.
Mm.
You know what it’s like.
(Borat sighs)
Tutar…
Your makeover is complete… I think you are ready for Pence.
Really?
BORAT: Mm.
But to be sure, let’s have a practice run tonight.
Cinderella… it’s time… to go to a ball.
BORAT: Before the ball, I would meet with fancy lady who would help me introduce my daughter to high societies.
WOMAN: Hi. How are you today?
Good. Uh, Cliff. Cliff Safari.
And my name is Dr. Jeanie.
So nice to meet you today.
My daughter, Miss Ellie, I need to get her ready for ball.
So the thing about it is we want to get your daughter all prepared by showing her the right kinds of things to do.
Hell yeah!
(classical music playing)
(indistinct chatter)
EMCEE: Now let us present the debutantes.
Miss Mamie Henderson, daughter of Mr. Bill Henderson and Laura Schofield.
She is presented by her father.
Daddy, you need to hold my arm, so they think we’re American.
Okay… just this once.
EMCEE: Sandra Jessica Parker Drummond and her father, Professor Phillip Drummond III.
Miss Drummond is attending Grand Canyon University where she is double majoring in cage maintenance and electronics with a focus on VCR repair.
When I at the ball, is it sufficient to make little braggings about little missy?
Maybe, yes.
(chuckles softly)
And you know what?
You have to do it very, let’s say… graciously.
That’s your daughter?
Yeah.
That’s what we love in the South.
Yeah.
Pretty girls.
Yeah.
Okay. It’s-it’s… They’re fun.
How much you think my daughter is worth?
Five hundred dollars.
Ooh, thank you.
You my best friend, buddy.
(chuckles)
It’s all a…
That’s fucking gross.
My daughter have her moon blood arrive.
Can she still go to a ball?
Mm-hmm.
Ah, good, so she…
We’re able to do a lot of things even though we have womanly things that we go through every… moon time you’re talking about.
♪ ♪
(music ends)
(cheering, applause)
We’d now like to invite Sandra Jessica Parker Drummond and her father, Professor Phillip Drummond III, for our traditional father/daughter dance.
(applause)
It’s my moon blood.
It started?
Yes.
Fantastic!
Now we can wow them… with our traditional fertility dance!
Um, can you play…
(speaking indistinctly)
(upbeat folk music playing)
(rhythmic clapping)
♪ ♪
(crowd gasping)
♪ ♪
♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
(music stops)
(crowd murmuring)
(Tutar crying)
(thunder rumbling)
I will never get to live in a golden cage like Melania!
Why do American men hate me?
♪ ♪
(sighs softly)
(Tutar crying softly)
Come in.
Really?
Do you mean it, Daddy?
Thank you so much, Daddy.
Okay. (speaks Kazakh)
(speaking Kazakh)
♪ ♪
BORAT: Tutar!
I’ve got great news!
Pence is speaking nearby.
We’ll gift you today.
But I am not ready yet.
Of course you’re ready!
You are ready for the golden cage!
Okay, Daddy!
♪ ♪
(both speaking Kazakh excitedly)
BORAT: Finally the time had come to deliver my daughter to the vice pussy-grabber.
But how would I slip in to this conference of Republicans unnoticed?
Suddenly, I had an idea.
♪ ♪
I’m Stephen Miller.
Sorry I’m late.
I needed to get Tutar to Pence, the only man that Trump would trust.
But who does Pence trust?
I knew the disguise I had to use.
(Tutar speaking quietly)
Tutar, it’s me.
Huh? Oh.
Hop on! We are running late.
(grunts)
(giggles)
I know you’re ready to demonstrate how much you appreciate everything he does for our country.
And it’s my honor to introduce to you the vice president of the United States, Michael R. Pence.
(cheering, applause)
♪ ♪
(indistinct chatter)
PENCE: As of today, we have 15 cases of coronavirus that have been detected in the United States with only one new case detected in the last two weeks.
(applause)
And while the risk to the American public remains low, as the president said yesterday, “We’re ready. We’re ready for anything.”
(cheering, applause)
It’s actually on the verge…
BORAT: Michael Pen-is! Michael Pen-is! I brought a girl for you!
(crowd jeering)
Don’t worry, I won’t get jealous!
She not Ivanka.
Get out!
(crowd booing)
Pussy Hound Pen-is!
You just hit me, man. You just hit me. Don’t punch me. Mike, help me!
(crowd jeering)
Mike, you’re fired!
CROWD (chanting): Four more years! Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!
CROWD: Four more years!
A hundred more years!
CROWD: Four more years!
BORAT: If you release me, I’ll give you my Klan robes.
Don’t stop. Keep moving.
How about my wig?
Don’t stop. Keep moving.
PENCE: The United States Senate cleared our president on all…
♪ ♪
BORAT: Please make faxy-meal of this. “Premier Nazarbayev, I have unfortunate news. Michael Pence did not accept her as a gift. Yours, Borat.”
And then put sad face.
“Sad face.”
MAN: Okay.
“Return immediately to die in excruciating pain. You will be tied to two cows who will face Uzbeks with turnips inserted in their assholes. Uzbeks will be enticed away with money and cows will follow to eat turnips, ripping you apart.”
♪ ♪
What’s the matter, Daddy?
Nothing.
Will they hurt you?
Of course not.
Could I be a gift to this friend of Trump instead?
No, he’s in jail.
What about this one?
In jail too.
Him?
Arrested.
Him?
House arrest.
What about Rudolph Giuliani?
♪ ♪
What he say?
MAN: “If you can deliver her to Rudy, you will live.”
♪ ♪
High five! (laughs)
You’re not gonna be killed.
I love you.
♪ ♪
Donald Trump is a man with a big heart who loves people– all people, from the top to the bottom, from the middle to the side!
BORAT: Rudolph was McDonald’s best buddy in whole world, and also very dignified statesman of the highest order.
You don’t know what you’re talking about, idiot.
Shut up, moron. Shut up.
Rudy. Rudy. Okay.
BORAT: This would not be easy.
Luckily, I discover his preference for womens with ample cheese-producing capacity.
I take my daughter to man who can help.
After me.
I want very much her to be attract to… top-level guy.
Well, what I would suggest is that we do some simple things.
Like a little r-refinement of the nose.
What’s wrong with my nose?
Do I look like a Jew?
No, ma’am. Not at all.
(sighs heavily)
(laughing)
Oh, that…
Because a Jew…
Yeah, she was, uh, very sad.
A Jew…
A Jew would be like this.
Jew nose more out, out a bit more, down here, then down a bit here, bump, bump, in.
It can be that bad, yes.
Mm.
Then, if you like, what I would suggest is that maybe we put some breast implants.
And what it mean, “breast”?
The-the breast. Titty.
Mm.
Titty?
Titty.
Titty?
Titty.
Titty?
Titty.
Titty.
Or breast.
I want a man who wants to make a sex attack on me.
Mm-hmm.
I think that would be most men.
Would you make a sex attack with me?
Uh… if your father was not here.
Ooh.
Ah! (chuckles)
WOMAN: Hello.
Hello.
So, altogether, the total is $21,751.
How much?
$21,751.
Tenge or dollar?
Dollars.
(farts)
Okay.
With the, uh, saline implant…
Yes?
Um, could you take off some money if instead, uh, you use potatoes?
Uh, we cannot use potatoes.
Why not?
Because potatoes aren’t sterile.
This a very good potato.
But you cannot take a potato and put it in the body.
Expensive one.
What if we allow, uh, perverts in to watch the surgery? Can we have reduction? You can keep the money that they pay you.
Uh, absolutely not.
The more people you bring in, the more germs come in.
You cannot do that.
The perverts have to be medical personnel.
They have to be either a doctor or a nurse.
I want to make sure that, uh, the man I give her to is very happy and will not return her.
Okay.
BORAT: So the quality must be tip-top. Will it be?
WOMAN: It will be tip-top.
It’ll be more than tip-top.
Are you able to pay this amount? Yes?
Yes, I have.
Okay. Thank you.
(money shuffling)
WOMAN: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…
(sighs): Ooh.
That’s a lot of money, but worth it.
So after you give me as a gift… you will leave me?
Of course.
I will go home and you will have new owner.
So I will never see you again?
You expected me to come live with you both?
No…of course not.
(chuckling)
Hmm.
The manual would forbid it.
♪ ♪
BORAT: You have, uh, sufficient?
Uh, no, I’m short $72.
And if we do not get to this, you cannot make the surgery anyway?
Right.
And the surgery will start at 6:00 p.m.
I only have 24 hours to get you $72?
Well, yes.
We better get to work.
To pay for new chests, I would need employment.
So, next day, I leave my daughter with babysitter.
(doorbell rings)
WOMAN: Hello.
Uh, what your name?
Jeanise.
Jeanise. Nice meet you.
Nice meeting you.
(clicker clicking)
(Borat speaking Kazakh)
(clicker clicks)
So what is that, like, a treat?
(clicker clicks)
Treat, uh, yeah.
Uh, when she perform a command correctly, click, you give her a treat.
Um… Oh. Okay.
This is her ball.
Um, it make her feel safe.
Uh, for water, uh, please use this.
Uh, we drink water out of a glass.
Uh, the strings in her brain might break if you try to teach her, so be careful, please.
You said it’s her strings in her brain might break?
They can be strain and sometimes pop.
One of them already… she saw something and, uh, it was complicate for her, and I hear the noise. “Ding.”
Oh, my God. Really.
See you later.
Don’t leave me here.
See you later at the titty doctor.
All right.
BORAT: The mutilations would commence in five hours.
Luckily, I get hired for job.
What would you like?
I can, um… take it all off?
Keep it where it’s, you know…
Above the ears is fine.
Want me shave your arms?
No.
No?
No. You’re not gonna shave my hair off, are you?
No, no, no.
Okay.
Uh, I am good, though.
I have done, um…
RANDY: But you do mostly animals, though, right?
BORAT: Uh, no.
Uh, this, uh, Billy Sexcrime before they remove his chram.
I remove his pubis.
I was given honor.
Oh, that’s great.
To your satisfaction, sir?
That’s fine.
That’s fine.
That’s fine.
What’s in the book?
This is our book.
Can I read you a story?
You can’t read.
I can read.
Are you a man?
No, I’m not a man.
Show me your putka.
I’m not showing you anything. But I’m a woman.
This… is my favorite.
“The true story of Nada…”
Nadia Akatov.
Okay.
“…who once caught a terrible disease called curiosity.
“It cause her one night to
touch her… vagine?”
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
“Her vagine became very angry…
(Tutar sighs)
…and bit her hand.”
You okay?
Yes.
It’s just a story?
Yes.
You want me to…
But it’s a true story.
It’s a true story?
Yes.
JEANISE: “Then suck all of her insides…
…where she remains to this day.”
TUTAR: Yes.
This is not a true story.
Okay?
It is a true story.
No, no, it’s not a true story. Your vagine cannot bite. It cannot suck your arms to a ball. It can’t do that.
But my tatti told me that.
Okay.
He tell me the truth.
I mean, I understand what you’re saying, that your daddy told you that.
Yes.
But that’s not the real world.
Are you touch your vagine?
Who, me?
Yes.
Have I ever touched it?
Yes.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
You can’t touch your…
And I– Yes, and I’m here. Didn’t n-nothing ate me up. See, I’m here.
You ready?
♪ ♪
TUTAR: What are you doing?
JEANISE: We’re driving.
Women can drive.
(crying)
Don’t cry.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
It’s okay.
You can’t drive! You can’t drive!
I can drive. I can.
You can’t drive! It’s impossible woman to drive!
No, no.
This is…
No, no, no! You are a man dressed like a woman.
No. No.
TUTAR: Help me!
It’s a woman driving the car!
♪ ♪
May I?
Thank you.
BORAT: Great success! I had the money.
It was time for the surgeon to insert Tutar’s potatoes.
JEANISE: Did you have a good time?
Yes.
I’m glad.
What you finna do?
I will get the surgery so my daddy can give me as a present for this American man.
What kind of surgery?
I will have the biggest titties in the whole world.
Okay, so you’re getting plastic surgery at 15.
Yes.
When you getting that done?
Now.
Now?
Yes.
Well, do you want that?
Seriously.
No, you don’t, ’cause you would’ve said yes.
I excite.
You excite, but that’s not what you want.
Okay, I don’t think you need to do that.
’Cause you’re pretty and you’re young.
And any man should like you as you are.
You shouldn’t want to be anybody else but yourself.
But if I have enormous titties, I don’t have to learn how to swim.
Your-your titties will not keep you from drowning.
You will still have to learn how to swim.
They will protect me.
How will they protect you? They titties. Titties are not gonna keep you out the water.
You are pretty. You’re a pretty– Girl, look at yourself. Look. Look. You see yourself?
Huh?
(chuckles)
Yes, you are beautiful. So I don’t see anything on your body or on your face that need to change. I want you to be happy. But I wish you would just think about some of the stuff I said. Think about going to school. Use your brain, ’cause your daddy is a liar, okay?
My daddy’s the smartest person in the whole flat world.
(clicks tongue)
Mm, I can’t, I can’t say nothing about that, but you got a big brain up there, so use it. Just think. ’Cause I don’t think you need to change.
I will think about it.
Hey, that’s all I want. That’s all I want. I want you to think about it. That’s all I want for you, just to think about it.
(sighs)
♪ ♪
TUTAR: (gasps) Another woman.
(door lock chirps)
♪ ♪
(indistinct chatter)
(woman coughs)
WOMAN: Adam Schiff.
WOMAN: Oh, my God. He’s so…
WOMAN: What a loser.
(indistinct chatter)
WOMAN: So what’s your name?
I’m Tutar.
Really?
Nice to meet you, Tutar.
Nice meet you.
Do you drive a car?
Yes.
Oh, absolutely.
Sure.
More than one.
More than one.
Well, not at the same time.
What?!
We drive a car. We own cars.
So the mans sometimes tell lies?
Yes. A-A lot.
Hmm.
(exhales sharply)
(ominous music playing)
(chorus singing bright opera music)
We-We’ve seen a dramatic drop in having children produced within wedlock. It’s a huge problem in our society. And I think part of that is the decline of Christianity in-in the United States.
Can I say something?
Uh…
Yes.
I want– Yes.
I want you to speak now.
(panting)
I’d love for you to speak now.
This important.
Yes.
WOMAN: Yeah, great.
Yes.
Something really strange, something wonderful just happened to me.
And…
(applause)
I go to the toilet, and I put my index finger…
(chuckles)
…and my-my middle finger on my cunt. And I found out that I wasn’t sucked in and I wasn’t eaten. Womans, this place is amazing. No teeth at all.
WOMAN: It has no what?
No teeth.
Oh.
No teeth.
TUTAR: It’s so nice, so warm. I will show you. You move this way, circle four time. Then you move up and down, and if it’s not working, you can use this part of your hand. And then you will feel something like an explosion, and then you will finish. Come on. Take your panties off, everyone, please. Do you touch your vagine?
Uh, it’s something we don’t talk about in p-public.
Because of the Nadia Akatov story?
No, no, no, no.
If that is a lie, what other lies my daddy tell me? So come with me. Come with me. Let’s run away from our daddies. Let’s go and put our hands together and touch our vagines.
And we’re so glad you’re here.
Thank you.
(applause)
WOMAN: Someone call her an Uber.
♪ ♪
Tutar!
Tutar. Tutar.
You went to the wrong address!
It’s over there.
I did not.
Come on.
It’s titty time.
No, I’m not doing it.
Why not?
Because I’m beautiful as I am, and I don’t need to be given as a gift to a man to be worth something.
Yes, you do. It says so in the book.
The Nadia Akatov story is a lie.
Not a lie. It true.
It is a lie. I did it.
What? How did you escape? Out of your asshole?
No. And the rest of the book is also a lie. Look there. It’s a woman driving a car.
BORAT: That is not a woman. That is Dog the Bounty Hunter.
(sighs)
This manual is full of lies. I found a new book which only tells the truth. It’s called Facebook. I learn so many facts there. Like our nation’s proudest moment, the Holocaust, never happened.
How dare you say that?
Look.
(quietly): No.
♪ ♪
See?
I’m leaving.
No, you don’t.
Wh-Who will lock your cage at night?
I can do anything a man can do.
No, you cannot.
I can even become a journalist, and probably a better one than you, Borat Margaret Sagdiyev!
Who told you my middle name was Margaret?!
Everyone you know!
You will never understand anything!
I understand everything!
You want this book?
Hey!
Take it. I hate it.
And I hate you.
And I will never see you again.
Oh, and by the way, I ate the monkey. He didn’t eat himself.
You murderer! He was a genius!
Go.
Come out now.
One, two– No, you don’t.
No!
♪ ♪
Tutar!
(panting)
My mission had fail, and I had learned that the Holocaust was nothing but a fairy tale.
Rather than return to Kazakhstan to be execute, I decide to take my own life.
Since I did not have money to buy a gun, I went to the nearest synagogue to wait for the next mass shooting, disguised as a typical Jew.
Borat enters a synagogue dressed in a costume with a big nose, bat wings, a sack of money in one hand and a marionette wearing a "MEDIA" sign in the other. He sits next to an elderly woman.
JUDITH: Hello.
BORAT: Uh, Jang-shalom. Are you Jew?
Yeah, I’m Jewish, yeah.
Very nice weather, uh, we have been controlling.
You are Jewish?
Um… y-yes.
No, you are not Jewish.
Listen, don’t-don’t be afraid of me. But please don’t eat me alive.
Uh, do I look like I eat people?
Uh…
I’m a old, good woman.
Yes.
Look at me. I’m Jewish.
Yeah.
Do I have a long nose?
-Look at me.
-No.
You can touch my nose.
What?
Look at me.
You see? Is it long?
No, it’s a small one.
Exactly like yours.
Look at Doris.
Does she have a long nose?
BORAT: A little bit bigger than yours.
So we are normal, exactly like you.
Okay, then, use your venom on me and finish me.
I have– I am very depress.
Can I give you a hug?
Don’t-don’t. Don’t kill me.
I will not kill you. Let me give you a kiss.
(wailing)
You see? I give you a kiss, and you are still alive.
For now I am, but maybe the venom take longer.
Oh, come on. You will be okay.
I’m hungry.
You are hungry?
Yes.
Good, huh?
Very good.
Very good, huh?
Mmm.
I want to hear your story, my dear.
This is the worst story that ever happened to any human being… or Jew. I came here on a simple mission to save my country by delivering our number one televiski star Johnny the Monkey as a gift to Michael Pence. And I’m sure you’ve figured out what happen next. My daughter had smuggled herself into the crate, and yes, you got it, she’d eaten the monkey. Although I believe he probably eat himself.
There are bad stories out there.
Listen, you want to hear my story, when I was a little child?
Yes, what is your story?
I was in the Holocaust.
You see me?
I was in the Holocaust.
The Holocaust? You were in the…
Yeah. I was…
But the Hol– the Holocaust never happen. But I saw it with my own eyes.
So the Holocaust…
Happened.
…happen?
Yes.
Really?
Really.
It was not a fake?
No. No, my dear.
(chuckles)
It wa– it really happened.
(sighs)
Thank you, Judith. You made me so happy.
(laughs): Thank you. Thank you for giving me…
Hope.
…faith and hope again.
Let’s make l-love instead of war.
Hold on. One step at a time, Judith.
BORAT: The Holocaust happen! My culture was right!
I had to find my daughter immediate and deliver her to Giuliani. I search in nearby village.
Tutar!
But for some reason, the streets were completely empty.
Tutar! Tutar! Stop hiding!
(door squeaks, bells chime)
Uh, hello. Jangshemash.
Where is everybody?
I do not see anybody on the street.
That’s– Everybody’s at home.
They’re telling them to stay inside so they don’t spread this virus.
Wh– There is a virus?
Yes.
They’re wanting everybody to quarantine.
I do not have, uh, nowhere else to go. Could I stay your home?
♪ ♪
JERRY: This is it.
Come on in.
You go ahead and come on in.
Oh. Oh.
BORAT: Very nice. Yes?
Well, hello.
Yes.
Yes.
Nice to meet you.
Okay.
Yes.
How long must we be stuck in here?
JIM: Well, don’t know for sure.
Till this COVID-19 thing passes.
What is more dangerous, this, uh, virus or the Democrat?
BOTH: Democrats.
Uh-huh.
I think, with the Democrats, with Obama– and I think it goes back to the Clintons– when they were also in office.
This, uh, Clinton, they make this plague?
Yes.
JERRY: Yes.
Mm. Not nice!
Clintons are very evil.
Extremely evil.
JIM: Supposedly, they torture these kids.
It gets their adrenaline flowing in their body.
Mm-hmm.
Then they take that out of their adren– adrenal glands…
Yeah.
…and then they drink their blood or that-that out of their…
JERRY: I’ve heard about things like that.
Yeah.
Hillary Clinton drink the, uh, blood of children?
That’s what we’ve heard.
Yeah.
I’ve heard.
It’s-it’s been said.
Yeah.
BORAT: Lucky for me, I was taken in by two of America’s greatest scientists.
What’s up?
I’m killing some of the viroos.
No, you can’t see the virus.
No, it’s still there.
This will kill the virus.
♪ Yes, I’m stuck
in the middle with you ♪
♪ And I’m wondering
what it is I should do ♪
♪ It’s so hard to keep
this smile from my face ♪
♪ Lose control, yeah,
I’m all over the place ♪
♪ Clowns to the left of me… ♪
JERRY: That don’t go in here.
But this is for wash machine.
What is that, the flashlight?
I get you new flashlight.
Alexa, order three flashlights.
(grunts) Ah.
♪ Stuck in the middle
with you… ♪
JERRY: Oh…
JIM: Oh, wait a minute.
I don’t think that’s a flashlight.
BORAT: What is it?
JERRY: I didn’t get the…
BORAT: I said “flashlight.”
This is “Flesh.”
It’s called a Fleshlight.
♪ Stuck in the middle with you ♪
(pot banging)
♪ Here I am ♪
♪ Stuck in the middle with you… ♪
You got it. We’re done.
JERRY: The Democrats, they want to hurt and destroy this country.
They are like demons.
Yes.
Yes.
We can’t do to them what we would like to do because they-they unfortunately, they have the same rights we do.
They should have a bit less rights than you.
Mm… -High five.
They-they should.
BORAT: Even though the hoax virus lockdown was stopping me from finding Tutar, Jim and Jerry found ways to cheer me up.
JIM: I wrote a song for you last night so you can play for us.
It’s called “The Chinese Virus Song.”
♪ Obama was a traitor… ♪
“America, he did hate her.”
JERRY: Yeah.
♪ America, he hate her ♪
There you go.
Yeah, that’s good.
That’s good. I like that.
That’s good.
Say, “You can put him in jail.”
♪ You must put him in jail. ♪
JIM: Yep.
Is he in jail?
No, but I hope so soon.
BORAT: But I still had not found Tutar. And although my buddies were highly knowledgeables, they didn’t know anything about womens.
The women here have rights.
JIM: They can do whatever they want. They have a brain like we have a brain. They can think and say the same things we think and say.
BORAT: When girl born, you are given instruction booklet made by the Ministry of Agriculture and Wildlife.
Um, yes, but…
BORAT: The male baby come out walking. Not the female. The male baby come out…
Look, you see.
Uh, they don’t.
This is supposed to be the doctors, with delivery of the baby?
BORAT: Yes.
The doctor wait for the baby to fall out, and you have two other doctor do this.
Well, you don’t need that. No.
One in anoos, one in mouth.
What you have shown us and explained to us, we’re sitting here like, “What?”
JIM: Yeah.
You were looking at this and thinking, “What?”
Yeah.
It’s a lie.
That’s–
It’s a conspiracy theory.
BORAT: I was scared that I would never find Tutar. But then something amazings happened while I was looking for QAnon stories with my buddies.
Does this…
Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
JIM: Mm-hmm?
Wait, wait, wait.
This look like Tutar.
Her hair different, but this her, this Tutar.
Where are your pictures?
Can I see your pictures of her, please?
Okay, just a minute.
You know what?
I’ll be goddamned if it isn’t her.
JERRY: It does look like it.
Screw me in the anoos, this her.
Join me again on Saturday.
I will be reporting live from the state’s biggest anti-lockdown protest.
I got to get a pen that fucking works here.
“March…”
JERRY: “For Our Rights.”
JIM: “…For Our Rights Rally.”
Saturday, June 27.
That’s tomorrow.
What? It’s tomorrow?
It’s tomorrow.
Please, please, can we go?
Buddy, buddy, can we go?
Listen, listen, listen.
Buddy, buddy, buddy. Please.
Can we go out of lockdown and find her?
I would think so.
But if she see me…
I know, that’s what I just said.
…then she will run the moment she see my face.
Okay, you have to change your appearance.
Do something different with your hair…
Yes.
…wear different clothes.
If I am disguise, what is the one thing that is irresistible to all teenage girls?
Rock stars.
What is it?
JERRY: What?
Onions.
Onions?
Onions.
We have onions.
We have onions?!
Yes.
You have onions in this house?!
Yes.
I believe we do.
Yes!
Thank you, buddy! I love you! You are my best friend!
Okay.
Fuck the social distance.
♪ ♪
We got to get up and fight for this beautiful country, the United States of America.
(crowd cheering)
I don’t see very many masks out there.
That makes you, that makes you instant criminals right now.
They want to throw you in jail for what you’re doing right here, right now.
Do you understand that?
They’re relying that you guys continue to shut up and sit in your house like good little subjects.
We will not comply.
(cheering)
MAN: Will not comply!
SPEAKER: Now you’re talking!
I going to head up to the stage to see where she is.
SPEAKER: We got to get up and fight, guys.
God bless each and every single one of you.
(cheering, applause)
EMCEE: All right, we got some great music coming up.
Y’all ready?
(cheering, applause)
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your next act, Country Steve.
Are you Country Steve?
Mm.
(American accent): You bet your asshole I am.
Great.
(cheering, applause)
There he is.
Oh, my gosh. Look at him.
(both laugh)
JIM: He’s doing it.
I can’t believe he’s doing it.
(applause stops)
Do you know, um…
B-A-A… (humming)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
BORAT: Okay? B-A-A-D-E.
(American accent): Uh… I wrote this song with my two best buddies.
(band playing country music)
Yeah, very nice.
♪ Obama was a traitor ♪
♪ America, he hate her ♪
♪ He belong inside the jails ♪
(cheering, laughter)
♪ I ain’t lying, it ain’t no jokes ♪
♪ Corona is a liberal hoax ♪
♪ Corona is a liberal hoax ♪
(cheering, applause)
Yes.
♪ Obama, what we gonna do? ♪
♪ Inject him with the Wuhan flu ♪
♪ Inject him with the Wuhan flu ♪
-Let hear it.
-(cheering)
♪ Dr. Fauci, what we gonna do? ♪
♪ Inject him with the Wuhan flu ♪
♪ Inject him with the Wuhan flu ♪
Over there. She’s over there.
♪ She’s over there, to the right ♪
Yes.
Okay, journalists.
Are we gonna inject them with the Wuhan flu or chop ’em up like the Saudis do?
Okay, let’s hear it.
Who wants to inject them with the Wuhan flu?
(scattered cheers)
Who wants to chop ’em up like the Saudis do?
(loud cheering)
♪ Journalists, what we gonna do? ♪
♪ Chop ’em up like the Saudis do… ♪
INTERVIEWEE: Um, he’s been doing a really good job.
And the-the coronavirus just happened to come along and…
JIM: Excuse me. Can I talk to you?
♪ WHO, what we gonna do? ♪
♪ Chop ’em up like the Saudis do… ♪
He needs you to go back to be with a man from Washington, D.C., and if you do not do that, they will kill him.
They’re gonna take two cows, and they’re gonna tie them to his– tie ropes to his legs. And they’re gonna give them turnips, and they’re gonna pull him apart by his legs. That’s how they’re gonna kill him.
What should we do with scientists?
Let’s hear it for “feed them to the bears.”
(cheering, applause)
Yeah!
Let’s hear it for “gas them up like the Germans.”
(louder cheering, applause)
Okay, let’s do “gas them up.”
I will not talk with him.
But tell him that I will do it.
Your father wanted you to have the book back.
♪ ♪
Thank you very much. My name Country Steve.
Tutar was going to give herself to Rudolph Giuliani. I had restored greatness to Kazakhstan.
TUTAR: Hello. My name is Grace Sagdiyev from Patriot’s Report. I would love to interview your boss Rudy Giuliani.
BORAT: It was time to return to Kazakhstan as a hero. Finally, I would get my life back. Yet something was missings. Something precious that I could never replace.
(doorbell rings)
Hello.
I, uh, want my daughter ball and chain, please.
Okay, well, can you step back?
’Cause you’re too close to me.
Did you take the test?
To see if I, uh, had the syphilis?
Not syphilis.
Ah, yes.
I had it 15 times.
Not– That’s not good.
Okay, just stop right there.
What?
You have to stop right there.
Stop here? Why?
’Cause we can talk better that way.
Can I have my ball and chain, please?
Are you finna put it back on her?
No, of course not.
She, uh, luckily came to her senses, and she is, uh, about to gift herself to a new owner.
She will be the happiest woman in the world, uh, just like, uh, Melania.
Can I have my…
Yes, I’m finna get your ball and chain for you.
Thank you.
You’re welcome.
Yes, that’s my girl’s.
Here you go.
What is it?
That’s hers.
One more thing that she left.
♪ ♪
I have a pain in my, uh, titties.
Maybe because you’re giving away your baby.
Why would that make my chest hurt?
It should.
Why?
You’re giving a little girl to a old man. That should make your chest hurt. It should make your heart hurt.
♪ ♪
Don’t you love her? You care for her? You care?
Yes.
Okay.
So, shouldn’t she make the decision on who she marries?
But there is only, uh, two hours left before she will meet with this man.
That’s two hours.
You got two hours to stop it.
Yes.
Find your baby and tell her she don’t have to do that.
Thank you so much.
Okay, I will go.
Okay.
Oh, one last thing.
Will you be my new Black wife?
No, sir, I cannot be your new Black wife.
Okay.
♪ ♪
(elevator bell dings)
(horns honking)
MACY: As a woman, you have to be kind of weak.
No more strong.
We can’t be strong anymore.
♪ ♪
(tires screeching)
(Giuliani grunting)
Nice to meet you, my dear.
Nice to meet you.
You’re one of my greatest heroes.
Oh, that’s so nice.
Thank you. Thank you.
Yes.
I will try my best, but because I am super excited and nervous…
Well, you relax. I’ll relax.
You want me to ask you questions?
(both chuckling)
I’ll relax you, okay?
Yes.
Thank you. I feel like I’m living in a fairy tale.
Come here.
You’re gonna do great, okay?
(tires screeching)
♪ ♪
Where are you going?
BORAT: Upstairs.
No, you are not going up there.
But I must defend my daughter’s vagine from America’s mayor.
Let me see your I.D.!!
So, please take this.
It used to belong to my father, but I think you should keep it.
It– Whoa. My God.
That’s wonderful that you gave this to me.
So, uh…
Well, thank you, my dear.
Get out or I’m calling the police!
BORAT: Time running out.
Please. His old chram will soon be turgid.
A little bit about China. As an expert of national security, what do you think we can do going forward to prevent this for happening again?
W-Well, China manufactured the virus and let it out. And they deliberately spread it all around the world. I don’t think anybody was eating bats.
Yeah.
Did you ever have a bat?
Oh, no.
(laughs) I don’t think I will ever… (laughs) eat a bat.
If you eat a bat with me.
Okay, I will. I’ll eat a bat with you.
Can we try?
(both laugh)
You’re so funny.
(laughs)
♪ ♪
(grunts)
Uh, in the panty-house.
Uh, ooh.
So, probably in a rough estimate, how many lives President Trump saved?
I’d say he’s saved a million lives.
There would’ve been a million more had he, had he waited that month, the way the Democrats would’ve done.
Yeah.
Uh, but he acted swiftly, he acted before anybod– in fact, even his own, even his own advisors… some of them advised him not to do it.
Really?
Yeah.
(coughs)
I’m good. Oh, here, a little bit does some good?
Here you go. (chuckles)
Yeah. It’s always good.
Never been in front of the camera.
I’ve always been behind of the camera, but today, something with this…
Uh, I think you’re gonna look pretty good.
(chuckles)
(chuckling): We will see.
Yeah, you’re gonna look pretty good.
But it’s because of you.
Well, thank you.
I really feel like Melania right now.
Well, you’re doing very well.
So I think you’re gonna look pretty…
Sorry to interrupt, Mayor.
Um, sound problem.
I think we cancel interview.
Mm-hmm?
-Uh, I don’t think we need, uh… because…
Yeah.
I-I already checked…
I’ll just check your mic.
GIULIANI: Okay.
Is that better?
Yeah, that’s b-better.
Let me just listen in for a minute.
Yeah.
Is she asking too many questions?
No, she’s doing great.
She’d make a very nagging wife.
No!
If I were you, I would stick to marrying your cousins.
Let me check the sound.
Can I check the sound?
Sure.
Mr. Mayor, c-can you say something?
Can you say something?
Yes, I’m fine.
Yeah, the sound is perfect.
It’s probably better if I stay and…
Please, please l-leave.
No, no, please.
If I need you, I will call you.
You sure?
You will be in the lobby, right?
(whispering): Don’t do it.
What? That’s what you want.
But it’s not what you want.
But I also don’t want you to die.
Now go! Go.
What if I take your place and he makes sexy time with me?
No.
Leave.
♪ ♪
(sighs)
I’m so sorry. That’s horrible.
Just relax. Sit down.
Sit, sit, sit, sit. Okay.
I’m so sorry for that.
Really, I apologize.
Apology accepted. No problem.
(chuckles): Okay.
Okay?
Yeah. Uh, thank you again for giving me this time.
Shall we have a drink in the bedroom?
(Giuliani sighs)
Come here. Come here.
TUTAR: What?
Hold up.
There you go, my dear.
Okay.
Yeah, you’re-you’re good.
You can give me your phone number and your address.
Should we slip your jacket?
Okay.
BORAT: Put down your chram!
GIULIANI: Oh!
She 15. She too old for you.
Why are you dressed like this?
She my daughter. Please, take me instead.
Take my anoos.
Don’t take him.
I don’t want you.
No, no, take my anoos. Do not have her.
TUTAR: I’m better than him.
BORAT: No, I better. My back pussy very tight.
TUTAR: No, please, my front anoos.
BORAT: Please, I will let you enjoy my chram in your mouth.
(Tutar shouting)
BORAT: No, I better!
TUTAR: I can… I would love to marry you.
BORAT: I was in prison many years, so I have techniques with my mouth.
Hello? What’s going on here?
Look at this guy.
I forbid this union.
Rudy, Trump will be disappoint.
You are leaving hotel without golden shower.
♪ ♪
(woman singing upbeat folk song in foreign language)
(sirens wailing in distance)
(both laughing, panting)
That one was close.
You know what I think?
I think you did this because you love me as much as your sons.
No.
More.
♪ ♪
So much more.
What shall we do?
You stay here.
I will go home.
To be executed.
-I’m coming with you.
-No, no.
You want to live in a cage?
I forbid it.
I get to choose.
Okay.
(balloon squeaks, pops)
♪ ♪
This is my final
Will and Testament.
To my daughter,
I leave everything…
One anti-semitic chocolate cake,
also three…
…Fleshlights.
Stop.
We’re not going to kill you.
But I failed my mission.
It’s okay. People make mistakes.
-(exhales)
-(door closes)
(Borat swallows, exhales)
♪ ♪
TUTAR:
Tatti?
BORAT:
I a total failures.
My whole world fall to pieces.
-They make this plague?
-BOTH: Yes.
And they deliberately spread it
all around the world.
NAZARBAYEV:
Two Sagdiyev.
GIULIANI: I believe it comes
out of that laboratory.
I don’t think anybody
was eating bats.
-Did you ever eat a bat?
-TUTAR: Oh, no. -(both laugh)
BORAT: Our Premier Nazarbayev,
he grab a lot.
JIM: He can do whatever
he wants, right?
MAN: He sent you
a bunch of angry faces.
-I go to America!
-(all booing, shouting)
GIULIANI: So, what if they
spread it all around the world?
-JIM: The Wuhan flu.
-(coughing)
BORAT:
Wawaweewa!
You the Forrest the Gumps!
-Hi.
-Please, uh, make autograph?
Sure.
(Borat coughing)
-How do you spell your name?
-Uh, B…
PENCE:
We have 15 cases of coronavirus.
We’re ready.
We’re ready for anything.
Why, uh, you wear mask?
’Cause of
the virus that’s going around.
JERRY: It’s gone worldwide.
It’s all around the world.
(Borat coughing)
JIM: It’s in the air.
It’s everywhere.
(clears throat)
And then you get sick.
(coughs) I’m good.
BORAT:
“Stupid foreign reporter.”
MAN:
You will die.
(quietly):
Wawaweewa.
♪ ♪
STOP!
You used me to spread the virus
around the world.
Yes I did.
And our plan worked brilliantly.
We got our revenge on the world
for them laughing on us.
Did you hear that, Brian?
-Yes, sir.
-If anything happens to me,
forward this to my best
boyfriends, Jim and Jerry.
What is that magical calculator?
It’s called a phone.
Who is that?
America’s Minister
of Technology.
His name, Brian.
His twin brother live
inside my phone.
Say jangshemash, Brian.
BRIAN:
Hello. This is Brian.
I just recorded you talking.
Ok…
What do you two want…
to keep your mouths shut?
I have some ideas.
♪ ♪
Jangshemash!
Kazakhstan now feminist nation.
Like US&A and Saudi Arabia.
Bride exports
declared misogynist,
so we now traffic grooms.
We use my iPhone 4’s hot spot and steal password from assholes Uzbekistan.
Now we are part of the global community,influencing elections
around the world.
Kazakhstan now center of COVID-safe fashion. We invent the maskini!
BORAT:
Our people are kept healthy with daily hygienic temperature checks. Our fatality rate plummet to 92%.
Best of all, I am reinstate as number-four journalist in all of Kazakhstan.
Who number three?
TUTAR:
Tutar Sagdiyev. Why not?
May the patriarchy go to hells.
-Nice.
-No, “ni-i-ice.”
Don’t mansplain to me.
Feminists.
My visit to US&A make me realize that greatest threat to Kazakhstan is no longer the Jew.
It is, in fact, the Yankee.
-Jangshemash.
-(crowd cheering)
Welcome to the first ever
Running of the American.
They’re starting to run!
Here comes the American!
Oh no! He’s got the fever!
He’s not wearing a mask.
BORAT and TUTAR:
Oh!
-(Borat speaking Kazakh)
-(crowd booing)
Here comes Karen!
She’s being a little bit racist!
She’s going to cough.
(all groaning)
Here comes
the chief medical expert!
-(cheering)
-And he’s got a vaccine!
Everybody’s going to be saved!
Uh oh
She’s been to Walmart,
she’s got her AR-15.
-(crowd booing)
-Karen is not happy.
Oh no, she’s killed Fauci!
The Americans are victorious in their battle against science.
TUTAR
For Kazakhstan TV, this is Tutar Sagdiyev…
BORAT
...and Borat Margaret Sagdiyev.
BOTH:
Chenquieh.
