[DETECTIVE, spoken]
So sorry to interrupt such a festive occasion, but I am under strict instructions to arrest you - for murder!

Monty:
Murder?
Stop! Wait! What?!
Well, I didn't kill Adalbert D'Ysquith
Though that certainly was my intent
Rather hard to digest
That I could be arrested
For something that I only meant
And it couldn't be poor cousin Asquith
For he graciously died on his own
Was that hole in the ice
Just a bit too precise
Was my presence at Chiselmere known?
(spoken) Murder, did you say?

[DETECTIVE, spoken]
I'm afraid so, your lordship

[MONTY]
Stop! Wait! When?!
I should doubt I was seen in the harbor
Lady Hyacinth fell in so fast
As for Salome's end
All suspicion would send
Them at once to that backstabbing cast!
Did the bee-stings reveal my deception?
Was I seen at the weightlifting hall?
How rude to intrude on this lovely reception
For I am the Earl after all
Yes, I am the Earl after all!
Though it's come, I concede, at a cost
But where was my blunder
My weakness, I wonder
Is all of it now to be lost?
Is all of it now to be lost?
(spoken) Murdering...whom?
[DETECTIVE, spoken]
Lord Adalbert D'Ysquith, Eighth Earl of Highhurst!

[MONTY]
Stop! Wait! Who?!
For the murder of Adalbert D'Ysquith
Were there ever a farce, this is it
I am almost amused
I should stand here accused
Of a murder I didn't commit
(spoken) But surely, the Earl died of a heart attack?

[DETECTIVE, spoken]
No, your lordship, it was foul play

[MONTY]
Of course, I should like to inquire
By what method he happened to die
But more to the point
What events now conspire
To lead them to think it was I?!
I've dispatched half a dozen
Each one a cousin
All of them quite by design
It is not a defense
It just makes no sense!
This murder was not one of mine!