What are you, on your phone? Hey, V-neck. Hey! – What's your name? – Sam. Sam? Cool! What do you do to afford V-necks, Sam? Typing numbers.

Ah… numbers, the letters of math. I’m sorry to bother you. I don't mean to single you out. I hate when people get pulled out of the audience. Like, are you familiar with the Cirque du Soleil, Sam? They're a group of French assholes that are slowly taking over America by humiliating audience members one by one. We once went to see Cirque du Soleil at Navy Pier when I was a kid, and my brother came, and he was 12 years old. You remember being 12, when you’re like, “No one look at me or I'll kill myself.” And these French bastards come into the crowd, being like, “Oh, Le volunteer, Bi Bi, Gwa Gwa Gwa!”

And they pulled my brother up on stage, and I was like, “No!” And they brought him up, and they reached into his sweatshirt, and they were like, "Oh, le bra!"

And they had planted a bra, and they pulled out a bra and they were like, "Oh, mais non!" And everyone at Navy Pier was like “Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!” And my brother was like, “That's great!”