Robert Westenberg
Nothing to Do with Me
[CHARITY MEN]
We're collecting [?] Christmastime from gentlemen in town
For the needy, poor of London sir
Now what shall we put down?

[SCROOGE, spoken]
Nothing

[CHARITY MEN]
You would like to be anonymous?
Your kindness left unknown
He'd like to be anonymous

[SCROOGE, spoken]
I'd like to be left alone

[CHARITY MAN #1, spoken]
Alone?

[CHARITY MAN #2, spoken]
But it's for the poor of London

[SCROOGE, spoken]
Gentlemen, are there no prisons?
Are there no workhouses?
(sung)
If the poor have to eat
Let them beg upon the street
Or lie at the workhouse door
If they refuse to earn then let them learn what a prison's for

Oh the poor how they whine
How they want whatever's mine
Why should I give a thing for free
Let them beg 'til they're blue
It has nothing to do with me

(spoken)
I say let them die and decrease the surplus population

[CRACHIT]
Mr. Scrooge, I’m sorry but sir, might I go?
Might you pay me early just this once

[SCROOGE, spoken]
Picking a man’s pocket every 25th of December

[CRACHIT]
My Tiny Tim is ill, sir
Youngest son, you know
Wife and children need me
Just this once
[SCROOGE]
People wanting this
People wanting that
Spreading bloody cheer

[CRACHIT, spoken]
It's only once a year sir

[SCROOGE]
Plucking at your sleeve
Holding out the hat
Singing in your ear

[CRATCHIT]
Oh, I’m sorry, sir, I didn't mean to

[SCROOGE]
Taking off a day
Asking for their pay
Only once a year

Well you can take Christmas
And stuff it with bread
And if that isn’t perfectly clear
I do not need to know
Of your family or your woe
I suggest Tiny Tim drink tea
[CRATCHIT, spoken]
He’s only six

[SCROOGE]
Give him tea, give him stew
It has nothing to do
With me

(spoken)
Oh here, but be sure you come in early the next day

[CRACHIT, spoken]
Yes sir, thank you sir
Good night sir
Merry-

[WOMAN, spoken]
Mary Grace come and get your tea

[CHILD, spoken]
Coming Mom

[WOMAN, spoken]
Harry don't forget the chestnuts

[MAN, spoken]
Right-o

[ENSEMBLE]
[?]

[CHILDREN]
[?]

[SCROOGE, spoken]
Oh watch where you're going
Get out of my way

[ENSEMBLE]
[?]

[MALE ENSEMBLE]
[?]

[ENSEMBLE]
[?]

[FRED, spoken]
Merry Christmas uncle
I was just on my way to see you

[SCROOGE, spoken]
Don't bother

[FRED]
Come to Christmas dinner
We’re inviting you
Be with family, Uncle
Just this once

[SCROOGE, spoken]
No, thank you

[FRED]
You’d enjoy it, Uncle
We’d enjoy it, too
You’d meet Sally, Uncle
Just this once

[SCROOGE]
People taking wives
Living little lives
Cozier than mice

[FRED, spoken]
We want nothing from you

[SCROOGE]
Marrying for love
Push will come to shove
You’ll be thinking twice

[FRED]
I will not get angry, Uncle

[SCROOGE]
Asking me to dine
Breaking open wine
Taking no advice

Well, you can have Christmas
And marriage as well
And to hell with your trees and your rice
I will not fill my plate
Socialize, or celebrate
With a fool and his family

[FRED, spoken]
Well

[SCROOGE]
Let your love see you through
But have nothing to do
With me

[FRED, spoken]
Don't be cross Uncle

[SCROOGE, spoken]
Oh, what else can I be when I live in such a world of fools as you?
And what good is Christmas to you, hmm, but a time for finding yourself a year older and not an hour richer?

[FRED, spoken]
Merry Christmas to you anyway Uncle

[SCROOGE, spoken]
Bah humbug

[JONATHON]
Oh years are passing by my friend
How soon the clock does chime
And before you blink-

[SCROOGE, spoken]
For God’s sake, child
Shut up and let me pass

[CHARITY SHOW BARKER]
Say have you forgotten how to smile, sir?

[SCROOGE, spoken]
Move aside

[CHARITY SHOW BARKER]
Come and buy a ticket to the show?

[SCROOGE, spoken]
I don't have time for nonsense

[CHARITY SHOW BARKER]
Life’ll pass you by in just a while, sir
And it may be later than you know

[LAMPLIGHTER]
Help a little fellow reach the light, sir?

[SCROOGE, spoken]
That's your problem, not mine

[LAMPLIGHTER]
Otherwise I'm sure to get the sack

[SCROOGE, spoken]
I am in a hurry, this is my house

[LAMPLIGHTER]
Oughta take the time for doin’ right, sir
You’ll be sorry, sir, when you look back

[BLIND OLD HAG]
Spare a coin for someone who is blind, sir?

[SCROOGE, spoken]
Go to the workhouse old woman, I have nothing for you

[BLIND OLD HAG]
None so blind as those who will not see

[SCROOGE, spoken]
Release my arm, let go of me woman

[BLIND OLD HAG]
Go your sorry way
And never mind, sir
Come the future
You’ll remember me

(spoken)
Look to yourself, look to yourself before it's too late

[Scrooge reels away from her, and stops in his tracks, as a small funeral procession passes. Following behind are Mr. Smythe and Grace Smythe.]

[GRACE SMYTHE]
Let the stars in the sky remind us of man’s compassion
Let us love till we die and God bless us everyone

[Grace and the funeral procession dissolve into the distance leaving Scrooge all alone.]

[ENSEMBLE]
[?]
Just made fresh this morning
[?]

[SCROOGE]
Damn this silly season
Damn all humankind
Makes you lose your reason
Makes you lose your mind
Next thing you know
I’ll be dancing in snow
Throwing coins to the poor
And the lame, and the blind
Well, I wish that the whole world
Would just let me be
Let the whole world be damned
It has nothing to do with me

[ENSEMBLE]
[?]

[SCROOGE, spoken]
Bah, Humbug