[KING RICHARD]
Oh Gareth, I try so hard to please her
I invade a kingdom for a jewel, I respect her vow of chastity
And yet every day I have to hear it over and over again
Galavant
Galavant
Blah blah blah blah
Galavant!
I want her need her crave her yes it's true
But she is not the only thing I desperately want to do

I want to shoot him with a crossbow
I want to stab him in the eye
I want to liberate his head from his neck
And then punt the bloody wreck sky high
I want to hurl him out a window
And shove explosives where the sun don't shine
Want to skewer him with swords
Then slowly twist 'em all around his reproductive system
Won't that be divine?

Then she'll be mine

[GUARDS]
And then you'll do it every evening
[KIND RICHARD]
Sweet God, at last

[GUARDS]
In every room on ev'ry floor

[KING RICHARD]
Till I can't do it anymore!

[GARETH]
And with no Galavant distracting your bride

[KING RICHARD]
We could start a genocidal war

[GUARDS]
Wait what?

[KING RICHARD]
I'll get back to all my hobbies
Like raising taxes and tormenting the poor

[GUARDS]
Curse those poor

[KING RICHARD]
No more "Galavant is just complete perfection!"
Gal would never lose his...
Temper!
Won't that be divine?
And she'll be mine...
[ALL]
La la la la

[KING RICHARD]
Just mine all mine...

[ALL]
La la la la

[KING RICHARD]
Mine all mine all mine