[Verse 1]
If your mom isn't Jewish
You probably can't relate to this
Here's my impression of my Jewish Mother from New York on Christmas

[Verse 2]
Sure, you and your brother can have a Christmas gift!
You got 8 gifts on Hanukkah
But I guess we're rich

[Verse 3]
Why do you need a tree 'cause all your friends have one?
Is my dead Grandmother Judy's Menorah not good enough?

[Verse 4]
Stop asking me to cook
I'm not in the mood
Is everybody cool with Chinese food?

[Verse 5]
Tammy!
Merry Christmas!
My...my daughter told your daughter that Santa Claus wasn't real?
Uh-huh
Uh...Tammy I don't think my daughter would ruin Santa Claus for all the other kids just because we don't do Santa