(Verse 1: Pop Kid)
I may be a little kid
But I have been around
Can hear the girls all scream
Soon as our wheels touch down
Junkets in Tokyo
Fashion shoots in Milan
Then private jet to
Madison Square Garden
Thirty six week long tours
Ten singles on the charts
So hear my message girl
'Cause it comes from the heart

(Chorus: Pop Kid)
Help me
My parents sold me
To a big producer
In the record industry

He makes me do things
That I don't wanna do
Please call child services
Or maybe SVU

You gotta help me
My parents sold me
To a big producer
In the music industry
They took the cash and left me
To the screaming masses
If I'd known all this
I'd skip those dancing classes

(Verse 2: Pop Kid)
I tried to run away
One time in Belarus
They beat me with phone books
So that I wouldn't bruise
I just can't take no more
Rich kid's bar mitzvahs
Or paid sleep overs
With Saudi princes
Blinked S.O.S. in morse code
Once at the VMAs
They sprayed me with a hose
In a pit for three days
And when my sales drop off
They'll take me to a resort
And let rich business men
Hunt me down for sport

(Bridge: Trevor Moore, Pop Kid)
Hold up!
I'm just coming in on the song to check on what you're talking about (Oh no!)
Don't think of me as a record exec, but a father figure, a pal! (Help me!)
This kid's a real prankster, this is one of his practical jokes (It's not!)
Thank you for your concern, but there's nothing to see here folks (Don't leave!)
That's just exhaustion talking. Poor little guy is tuckered out (Call the police!)
I'll just take him back to the tour bus and we'll get him straightened out (Don't let him put me in the box!)
There is no box. I don't even know what that means (It's where I sleep!)
Now we've gotta run, but for your trouble, here's some front row seats

(Chorus: Pop Kid)
You gotta help me
My parents sold me
To a big producer
In the music industry

Oh, God please help me
Please take some action
This didn't work out
For Michael Jackson

Can someone help me
Don't ignore what I said
They'll sacrifice me
To the god Baphomet