Connie Watson
Is my mom's best friend
She's sixty-two
And loves Land's End

Her hair is short
And always looks wet
She works reception
For the local vet

And every time I'm home she tells me stories all day long
She says her life is crazy and I should put her in a song

Connie, Connie, Connie Watson, here you go
This is a song for you
Full of your crazy tales and anecdotes
She swears all this is true!

One time Connie
Went to TGI Friday's
With a bunch of ladies
From church!

They thought the waiter was cute
Because he looked like a young Matt Lauer
And when he came over
His name tag said "Matt"
Connie, Connie, Connie Watson
Frumpy lady, a mystery and such
The craziest things just seem to happen to her
You can't make this stuff up

A guy at Kroger
Once thought that Connie was his wife
But when she turned around
He was wrong

But I can't do it justice
I must not be telling the story right
Because when Connie does
It's forty-five minutes long

Connie, Connie, Connie Watson
How do you like your stupid song?
Is it everything that you thought that it would be?
Everybody sing along!

Connie, I think you might have a non-verbal learning disorder
Because you clearly have trouble interpreting people's social cues

Connie, if someone hasn't responded for 20 minutes
And they won't look up from their phones
That means they don't want to talk to you
(Spoken)
Everybody now!

Connie, I think you might have a non-verbal learning disorder
Because you clearly have trouble interpreting people's social cues

Connie, if someone hasn't responded for 20 minutes
And they won't look up from their phone
That means they don't want to talk to you

Connie where you at tonight?
Are you at Panera Bread?
Connie where you at tonight?
Are you at Panera Bread?

She's got a sweatshirt
Of cats unrolling a roll of toilet paper
In the bathroom
And it says "Let the good times roll."

She's got a sweatshirt
Of cats unrolling a roll of toilet paper
In the bathroom
And it says "Let the good times roll."

She's got a sweatshirt
Of cats unrolling a roll of toilet paper
In the bathroom
And it says "Let the good times roll."