[Verse 1:]
When I was just a child
Before I would turn out the light
I kneeled beside my bed and say my prayers every night
Asked God to keep me safe
And keep everything alright
Then I'd be real still and quiet until I could hear his reply

[Chorus 1:]
And God said wash your hands
Or your family will die
And grandpa will get cancer
If you don't touch the stove three times
Your dog will run away
If you ever tell a lie
Nobody understands
When God says wash your hands
When God says wash your hands
God says wash your hands

[Verse 2:]
Now as the years went by
God stood by me through the thin and thick
Though it seems that with his age
The good Lord's gonе a tad eccentric
Why I need to save my pee
I don't undеrstand a lick
But it's better I bet than to live with regret
So I guess I better do it
[Chorus 2:]
Cause God said stay inside
Or get flesh-eating disease
I'll totally make some kid retarded
If you don't throw salt when you sneeze
And you'll never get to heaven
Unless you kill Bill Bellamy
Nobody understands
When God says wash your hands
Nobody understands
When God says wash your hands
And I hope that it's all wrong
Cause God said 'Don't sing this song'
And I hope that it's all wrong
Cause God said 'Don't sing this song'