JOHN
From the time that he was only three
A bright young boy named Timothy

Had big ambitions, out to change the world
A genius and philanthropist
He'd made quite an extensive list
Of new designs waiting to be unfurled

Well he spent his life creating things
Like special shoes that bounced on springs
And toasters that made barbecued pork rinds
But though his inventions all were great
It seemed that he had yet to make
That one to truly benefit mankind

But one foggy morning he noticed a cop
Eating some donuts in a coffee shop
As he slurped out the insides of his pastry
Timothy was struck with his best idea!

EVERYONE
It's the incredible jelly donut juicer!
It can bring so many people joy
Just toss in a donut, turn the knob
And out comes that delicious glob
A treat for any little girl or boy
THE SPINE
When he had built his prototype
He had sincerely hoped it might
Get noticed at the '29 World's Fair

RABBIT
He drew a crowd around his booth
Of folks who had a big sweet tooth
From Boston Cream to lengthy French éclairs

THE SPINE
Well soon he made the front page news
The world demanded donut juice
And everybody wanted his machine

HATCHWORTH
The world became obsessed and crazed
With siphoning their jelly glazed
The best phenomenon you'd ever seen!

RABBIT
And when he displayed it at a science fair
A man from a large academy was there
He took just one taste and widened his eyes
And said
HATCHWORTH
"Son we're giving you The Nobel Prize!"

EVERYONE
It's the incredible jelly donut juicer!
It can bring so many people joy
Just toss in a donut, turn the knob
And out comes that delicious glob
A treat for any little girl or boy

JOHN (Spoken)
That's right folks! Step right up and receive your very own
Jelly Donut Juicer!
No need to shove, there's plenty to go around!
Spread it on your toast!
Put it on your salad!
Makes a delicious soup!
Or just drink it by the glass-full, oh yeah!

JOHN
Well every success, it comes at a price
And though his intentions and dreams were nice
The calorie count was just too high
And made everybody grow big and wide!

Curse the incredible jelly donut juicer!
It can make so many people fat!
By guzzling down that tasty glob
The people turned to massive blobs
So Timothy's invention then was scrapped (Oh yeah)
But he went back home to start again from scratch
JOHN (Spoken)
Back to the old drawing board