Couple of guys sittin' 'round drinking
Down at the Starlight Bar
One of em' says, "You know I've been thinking..."
Other one says, "That won't get you too far."
He says, "This is your life, and welcome to it
It's just working and drinking and dreams
Ad on TV says 'Just Do It.'
Hell if I know what that means."

The secret of life is a good cup of coffee
The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball
The secret of life is a beautiful woman;
Marilyn stares down from the barroom wall

You and me, we're just a couple of zeros
Just a couple down an' outs
Movie stars and football heroes
Whadda they got to be unhappy about? Yeah...
So they turn to the bartender
Sam, what do you think
What's the key that unlocks that door?
Sam don't say nothin', just wipes off the bar
And he pours them a couple more

Secret of life is in Sam's martinis
The secret of life is in Marilyn's eyes
The secret of life is in Monday Night Football
Rolling Stones' records, mom's apple pie

Sam looks up from his Sunday paper
Says "Boys you're on the wrong track
The secret of life is there ain't no secret
And you don't get your money back." Hey

The secret of life is gettin' up early
The secret of life is stayin' up late
The secret of life is try not to hurry
But don't wait
Don't wait

The secret of life is a good cup of coffee
The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball
The secret of life is to find the right woman
The secret of life is nothing at all
(Oh it's nothin' at all.)
The secret of life...

Couple guys sittin' 'round drinking
Down at the Starlight Bar
One of 'em says, "You know I've been thinking..."
Other one says "That won't get you too far."
That won't get you too far