LORD ADALBERT:
When you’re lookin’ down the barrel of a gun
It concentrates the mind completely
And suddenly, you’ll find
A love for human kind
That makes you look upon the world
More sweetly
When all at once, it seems your life is done
You recognize it all goes by so fleetly
There’s so much left to do
Except, of course, for you
When you’re lookin’ down the barrel of a gun

When you’re lookin’ down the barrel of a gun

SERVANTS:
Down the gun

LORD ADALBERT:
And the barrel looks right back at you demurely

SERVANTS:
Demurely

LORD ADALBERT:
With an eye that seems to say
“Perhaps you ought to pray”
So sorry that you’re dyin’ prematurely
You’re grateful that you had your share of fun
SERVANTS:
He’s had his fun

LORD ADALBERT:
Though you suppose
You might have lived your life more purely
It’s ludicrous to care
It’s neither here nor there
When you’re starin’ down the barrel of a gun

Oh Lord, is this really your intention?
Aren’t men like me in short supply?
Oh Lord, I could use your intervention
This cannot be the way I’m meant to die
Do you really want to see my cry?

LADY EUGENIA:
(spoken) Get up at once! You’re making a spectacle of yourself!

LORD ADALBERT:
(spoken) Eugenia, put down the gun. Please, I know I talk of good game, bravery, and courage, God save the queen and all that, but I- I really don’t want to die! I really, really don’t!

Don’t you know, I’ve loved you like a son?

SERVANTS:
Like a son
LORD ADALBERT:
And I do not meant to say this impolitely
Considering the view
I’d rather it was you
Lookin’ down the barrel of a gun
Lookin’ down the barrel of a—

SERVANTS:
Barrel of a...

LORD ADALBERT:
(*chokes*)

EUGENIA:
(spoken) Oh for heaven’s sake! Get up you old goat! Adalbert! Adalbert? (*gasps*) Adalbert!!

MONTY:
(spoken) What?

ALL:
...gun!