[LINK]
I've sailed the seas
On the breath of the ocean breeze!
Battled some flaming Keese
Fought my way through the Tower of Gods!

Met the Fairy Queen
A fat little man in green!
Rode the winds through the sky...
Fed a fish-man guy!
Won tons of rupees!

[PATRON, LINK]
Hey Zelda!
It’s Link
Tell us about that one time you found the Wand of Gamelon
I don't know what you're talking about...

[LINK, (PATRONS), PATRON]
I smashed a thousand pots!
And fired some cannon shots!
I thwarted all Ganon’s plots!
Just using a sword and a wand! (YEAH!)

Made a Rito friend!
While tugging Valoo's rear end!
Learned a sword-spin technique!
Found a boat that speaks
And turns into a-
It's the dread pirate Tetra!!!

[TETRA, LINK, GILLIAN]
Milkshake. ...What are you looking at, Fairy Boy?
Well exCUSE ME, princess...
Miss Tetra, how has your expedition been going?

[TETRA, (PATRONS)]
We set sail for Greatfish Isle
But were caught inside a storm!
Where a giant squid attacked us
And forced our ship ashore!

We stole bombs for all our cannons!
Then set out into the sea!
Where a thousand sharks were waiting-
Which we blew to smithereens!

We were caught inside a cyclone!
But we managed to get free!
We pulled up a hefty treasure
With a Piece of Heart or Three!

Then we stumbled on a Ghost Ship (Hoo! Ha!)
Based on phases of the moon! (Hoo! Ha!)
When we ravaged all it had, its hulls (Hoo! Ha!)
Were full of gold doubloons! (Hoo! Ha!)
[LINK, PATRON, TETRA AND LINK]
Oh, weird. All I found in it was a treasure chart
Hooray for Zelda!
It's Link!

[GANONDORF, GILLIAN, LINK]
Why, Mister Ganondorf. You look like you're having a pretty... average day...
I'll take one of everything (pointing) on that guy's tab!
What's bothering you, G?

I’ve got
Forty guys dead
And I don’t know Why-
All my treasures are gone-
All my plans are awry!
Someone messed up my bird-
All these girls have gone free
And there's a snotty green twerp-
Hey, you looking’ for me?
WHAT THE-

[PATRON, ALL]
Go, Zelda!
IT'S "LINK"!

[LINK, GANONDORF, BOTH]
I took my sister back!
I need her pointy ears!
You took her by mistake!
Hey, it's been a hundred years!
...Sheesh, get with the times...
Go ride your stupid boat!
Go change into a pig!
Go slash a dozen Cuccos!
Shave your beard!
Ride some birds!
Bleach your skin!
Learn some words!
Just prepare for owning!
The wind is blowing...
NOW...!