First on our famous tour, this broken board we're driving toward
I swore this paint had dried...
Feel free to see our sewer! Its flimsy grate can't hold much weight
But seals the eels inside!
Don't let this wet and slimy net
Of cobweb attach onto your face!
Beware! These stairs are terribly tilted
And built in the wrong place!

Stay close and watch your feet, cause something might attempt to bite them off!
It's awfully rare...
Try not to breathe too deep, cause something stinky, black and inky's fogging up the air!
Our old commode's known to explode!
I think all the sinks arе prone to leak...
And so you know, our CEO was murderеd here last week!

Look to the left and see the broken beam our legal team demands be banned from view!
Steer clear of loose debris! The wood's so old it's mostly mould
I'm told it holds like new!
Don't sweat the threat of traps we've set
For man-eating vermin in our halls!
Excuse the ooze that's fused to the rafters
And plastered to the walls!

Be careful as you pass this mound of broken glass!
Don't meddle with this pedal, it'll expel toxic gas!
I'm legally required to warn you that this wire
Can hold 3,000 volts and light your private parts on fire!
I'm sure you're all aware, don't stick your face in there!
The ratchet may just catch it and then tear out all your hair!
That's why we had you sign this line here to decline
All rights to lidication and/or damages and fines!
This here's the lost and found, where gloves and hats and giant bats are kept
Except the bats...
Don't mind the grinding sound. The soup cans crashed our trash compactor and it's jammed with rats!
Ignore this poorly programmed door, the gift shop awaits us just inside!
I'll admit a bit of doubt that we'd make it
Cause every group I've had...
Has died!