I grew up in like, the middle of nowhere
And I swore I would never go back
My hometown was like the suburb of a suburb
I actually lived on a cul-de-sac
That's literally a road that goes nowhere
That's the definition of dead end
I said, "I can't wait to learn to do a three-point-turn"
Because I don't wanna be here

In four long years, I finished up with high school
Graduated top of my class. Thank you!
But in college I discovered that devising my own major
Was a bureaucratic pain in the ass
I thought I'd recontextualize Sartre
But could only register for first-year French. Ha!
Well, you should've heard my mom when I dropped the bomb
And said, "I don't wanna be here
No, I don't wanna be here."

Now, I am not a negative person
It's just that I've always known that I had places to go
Dreams to fulfill and ideas to discover
They're just never where I am

So anyway, back at school
I waited five semesters
Till I could snag one of their random degrees
I moved down south, ‘cause I heard everyone was hiring
And they were. At the Applebee's
They fired me, like, three weeks later
My sublet promptly, whoops, fell through
As I checked into a hotel, I said, "It's just as well
Because I don't wanna be here
No, I don't wanna be here."

And I, I was not a negative person
So I packed up my bags, though I had no place to go
I opened a map and said, "Show me my future
‘Cause it isn't where I am."

I finally got a job at some hum-drum office
Like everyone right out of school does
I sat there at my cubicle every day
Sending faxes, and that's what my life was
Oh, I went back home and said to my parents
"I know what I've got to do."
And since I am a dork
I moved to New York
And I started grad school
I really don't wanna be here