Link: I've sailed the seas, on the breath of the ocean breeze!

Battled some flaming keese, fought my way through

The Tower of Gods!

Met the fairy queen, a fat little man in green,

Rode the winds through the sky, fed a fish-man guy!

Won tons of rupees!

Guy from crowd: Hey, Zelda-

Link: It's Link

Guy from crowd: Tell us about the one time you found the wand of Gamalin(?)

Link: I don't know what you're talking about...

I smashed a thousand pots, I fired some cannon shots,

And thwarted all of Ganon's plots, just using

A sword and a wand!

Crowd: YEAH

Link: Made a Rito friend, while attacking Valoo's rear end

Learned the sword spin technique, found a boat that speaks,

And turns into a-

Crowd: IT'S THE DREAD PIRATE TETRA!!!

Tetra:(to the bartender) Milkshake! (To Link) What are you lookin at, fairy boy?

Link: Well, excuse me, princess!

Lady from crowd: So Tetra, how's the expedition going?

Tetra: We set sail for Greatfish Isle, but we're caught inside a storm!

Where a giant squid attacked us, and forced our ship ashore!

We stole bombs for all our cannons, then pushed out into the sea!

Where a thousand of sharks were waiting, which we blew to smithereens!

We were caught inside a cyclone, but we managed to get free. We pulled up a hefty treasure with a piece of heart or three.

Then we stumbled on a ghost ship, based on phases of the moon. Then we ravaged all those cabins, which were full of gold dabloons!

Link: Oh, weird. All I found was this treasure chart!

Guy from crowd: HOORAY FOR ZELDA!

Link and Tetra: It's Link!

Random choir: G-G-G-Ganondorf, G-G-G-Ganondorf, G-G-G-Ganondorf

Tetra: You look like you're having a pretty average day, Ganondorf.

Ganondorf: I'll take one of everything... on his tab!

Tetra: Aww, G, what's wrong?

Ganondorf: Well, I got forty guys dead and I don't know why, all my treasures are gone, all my friends are awry!

Someone messed up my word(?), all these girls have gone free, and there's a snotty green twerp-

Link: Yo, you lookin for me?

Ganondorf: WHAT THE-

Guy from crowd : GO ZELDA!!

Everyone: IT'S LINK!!

Link: I took my sister back

Ganon: I need her pointy ears

Link: You took her by mistake

Ganon: Wha- OH, IT'S BEEN A HUNDRED YEARS

Link: Get with the times!

Ganon: Go fly your stupid boat

Link: Go change into a pig

Ganon: Go slash a dozen gugos(?)

Link: Shave your beard!

Ganon: Fight some birds!

Link: Clean your skin!

Ganon: Learn some words!

Link: Prepare for owning!

Ganon: The wind is blowing!

Link and Ganon: NOW!!