I wake up in the morning
I put on my ugly face
I make myself some breakfast
I spritz myself with mace
I get my trusty notebook
I mix myself a drink
I grab my pen and sit and then
Find ways to murder Link!
Like I could throw some balls of magic
Or I'll form a shadow clone
Or I could sit and play my organ
Or just wait on Hyrule's throne
Or maybe turn into a puppet
Or a giant, crazy snake
But one thing's sure, you see
Each plan will be
A freaking huge mistake!

[Chorus]
Ga-Ga-Ga-Ganondorf! (x8)

I check my daily planner
It tells me what to do
It says to kidnap Zelda
And take the Triforce too
I'll come invade her castle
Cause Zelda's pretty hot
She'll be my Gerudo princess
Or stay in jail to rot!
Cause I've got giant, rippling muscles
And abs the size of hams
A neck that's thick and made of iron
And buttocks as strong as rams
So if you can't get past my eyebrows
Or my complexion puts you off
Then just pretend I'm your boyfriend
And that my name is Sephiroth!

[Chorus]

I'll break out of the Dark World
The Sacred Realm's a joke
The Twilight Realm can't hold me
The Master Sword is broke!
No matter how you slay me
I'll come back just the same
Except in Link's Adventure
Cause Zelda II is lame!
So get yourself some Heart Containers
And a shiny Magic Shield
A pimped-out boomerang that sparkles
And a sword too big to wield!
You'd better gather seven sages
Or some maidens
Or some tears
But hurry back cause I'll attack again
In another hundred years!

[Chorus]


See, life can be quite fragile
When you're evil and you're feared
You've got a drinking problem
And no one likes your beard
You've got multiple personalities
Because you turn into a swine
You deny all memory of a trilogy
That was made for CD-i!
So I'll just hire a thousand Bulbins
And invite them to my tower
And we can throw a raucous kegger
Using my Triforce of Power!
Cause there'll be Booby Traps, Dodongos
Wizzrobes, Gidbos, Stalfos, too!
And poor old Link won't be invited cause he's a
Goody-two-shoes noob!

[Chorus]