Trigger Warning: Please Proceed With Caution

Emotional abuse is not talked about enough. We hear about domestic violence all the time, but how often do we hear about emotional violence?

I've told my story before, but I'll summarize it here. Basically, when I was in eighth grade I met this boy I eventually formed a relationship with. The first few months, it was (maybe) perfect, but after a while he started acting manipulative. I began feeling worthless, and lost myself for a while. Still trying to find myself, but that's for another time. I felt trapped, and quite honestly, feared for my life on multiple occasions. I began self-harming, crying myself to sleep, and my anxiety disorder worsened. Eventually, with some support from people I love and trust, I broke free, and it literally felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It's one of the most beautiful feelings, freeing yourself from something that had been bogging you down for months on end.

So back to the general standpoint. Emotional abuse is not recognized enough, nor are people educated on it. In all honesty, I didn't even know emotional abuse was a thing until I encountered it myself. We all learn about the warning signs of physical abuse, but not emotional abuse.

In addition, it's highly possible to lose your light when you go through something like this. Throughout the eight months my ex was abusive, he constantly made me feel inferior, useless, and just plain stupid, while he made himself out like he was a hero. This was another one of the driving forces behind my dive into self-harm, and I'm still not the same person I was when I walked into the relationship. I used to be happy all the time, always smiling and being polite. Now, it's not uncommon for me to break down crying stressing out over who I've become or will be in the future. I'm more closed-off now, my anxiety is crippling, and I still fear for my life sometimes.

I haven't told any family members about my experience, nor do I plan to in the near future. I don't want to burden them with my problems, and there's still a chance they won't believe me. I tried to tell some of our mutual friends about some of the things he'd say or things he'd done, and they discredited me, saying things like, "he'd never do that," or "I'm pretty sure you're making it up." He made nearly everyone around us side with him, and made it sound like we were something out of a fairytale romance. To this day, there are still people he brainwashed enough to think I'm delusional.

I'm ending this piece here, because not only have I hopefully gotten my point across, but I've been having a tough time with this lately. Maybe I'll make a follow-up or continuation at some point, but it's time for me to say goodbye for a while.