[Intro]
[?] on the bottom of the hour
A TV pitchman who lived in the valley
Accused of ripping off of customers' trial
Was supposed to start tomorrow
But that's not gonna happen
(That’s not gonna happen)
Yeah, that's because Don Lapre was found dead inside of his cell
U.S. Marshalls' arrested Lapre in Tempe back in June...

[Dialogue 1]
H-e-llo, I'm Don Lapre
And I'm so excited that you decided to become
A sales representative for the Reminder Service
I'm gonna walk you through fifteen ways
To make all the sales you ever wanted to make
If you want to make ten sales a day
And make yourself two hundred dollars a day
Or if you wanna go all the way
And make twenty sales a day
And make yourself four hundred dollars a day
I'm gonna show you fifteen ways to do it

[Dialogue 2]
Think about it
If you only sell five a day
You're making a hundred dollars a day
You get to set your own hours
Whether you decide to sell at
Park n Swap or the Swap Meat every weekend or
Whether you decide to call up all your friends
Everybody that you know to start off that way
Or if you decide to go door to door
However you wanna start off
However you wanna start off
However you wanna start off
However you wanna start off
There's fifteen ways to do it
It's absolutely incredible
And if you wanna get-get-get-get-get—
[Outro]
Edicius, edicius, edicius, edicius
Edicius, edicius, edicius, edicius
Get excited