[Intro: Ashtin Larold]
Hello?
Is this-
Is this thing on?
Are we live? Are we recording?
(*coughs*)

[Verse 1: Ashtin Larold]
Hardly famous, but I spend like a celebrity
Fortune teller said I'mma be rich, I said I better be
Started this at 12, I'll probably do it 'til I'm seventy
Stacking blue cheese like some motherfucking celery
Ain't nobody helping me, I did it as a loner
Treat the studio just like the trenches: I'm a soldier
This my fucking home, and I roll like Macaulay Culkin
I'm a lover, I'm a sinner, I'm a smoker (Call me Maurice)
Yeah, hot enough to smolder, colder than a polar bear
Harder than a boulder, bitch, I'm shining like a solar flare
Lucky like a clover, pushing albums like a stroller
Smoking bogies in the snow without a coat to wear (Brrr)
Uh, atheist who sipped upon the Blood of Christ
Existential irony, the shit that keeps me up at night
My BIC ran dry, I need another light
So I can take another seven minutes off my fucking life
Mix tequila with some ice, drink it straight
Pay the toll to take my mind across the bridge to a different state

[Bridge: Robert Middleton]
Fire is a danger
It can burn whole buildings if someone is careless
Now, we must be ready for a new danger...the atomic bomb

[Verse 2: Ashtin Larold]
Breakfast at noon, pour a 40 in my Frosted Flakes
Chase it with some Jager, light a bogus: time to start my day
My brain's taking a train to exotic places
Imagination is painting a picture of someplace far away
Uh, fur jacket with the blue suedes
I'm drinking moonshine at 2 PM on Tuesday
People say I'm 100 percent charisma
From my bandana down to my shoelace (How charming)
Yeah, Lil Devil went from Honor Roll to dropout
Now my job is making rappers sweat like it's hot out
The day I stop rapping be the day that Mayweather lands a first-round knockout
Uh, you can catch me in the mountains like a shaman
I might ride a black diamond with your grandmother's toboggan
Eating black truffles over dollar Top Ramen
Not a single thing about the kid is common

[Outro: Ashtin Larold]
Yeah
Somebody take this fucking mic from me, bro
This is getting irresponsible
Yeah