[Rob, spoken]
I've got everything I need here
[Sung]
I've got my daily crossword and there's coffee in the pot
I've got cable and a girlfriend who is pissed off but she's hot
I've got records that it's taken me a lifetime to amass
And I play them on a system that will kick your system's ass

And if my life's not perfect
If I'm anxious bored or sad
Well today may be less shitty
With whole chunks of not so bad

And I wouldn't change a thing about it
No, I wouldn't want to change a thing
In a world that's unreliable
These are rocks on which to cling
Nothing's great and nothing's new
But "nothing" has its worth
Meet the real go-getter
With the thrift store sweater
And the last real record store on earth

I get by relying on the freaks who can't survive
Without their Japanese import or their Zappa forty-five
They're really kind of sad, hell I'd be making fun of them
If it weren't for the fact I'm really one of them
Yes, if you're into vinyl we've got everything essential
[Ensemble]
Ah-ah-ah
[Rob]
I'm sitting on a business that has zero growth potential

[All]
And I wouldn't change a thing about it
A to K rack, L to Z
It's dark and dingy, never crowded
All a record store should be
[Rob]
For the serious collector
Who knows a record's worth
Need a vintage decca
Step into my mecca
[All]
It's the last real record store on earth!

[Dick]
Ever since I lost control
[Rob, spoken]
That's Dick. He works for me
[Dick]
It's a Hiroshima of the soul
[Rob, spoken]
He's listened to every record in this store
[Dick]
Ever since we we've been apart
[Rick, spoken]
Twice
[Dick]
It's a Hiroshima of my heart

[Ensemble]
Hiroshima of my heart
[Dick]
I want to find a love
[Ensemble]
Hiroshima of my heart
[Dick]
A love to call my own
[Ensemble]
Hiroshima of my heart
[Dick]
But I'm too weird and shy
I guess I'll die alone

[Rob, spoken]
Barry, you're late!
[Barry, spoken]
Yeah, sorry, I stopped to get you this box of seven doughnuts

[Rob, sung]
What can I do? They came as temps
But then they started showing up here ev'ry day
It's been four years, they just won't leave
They've never even asked me for a raise in pay

And as I gaze across this filthy space
I see insanity in every face
Some days I think I should just torch the place

But then I think where would I go?
Find guys who prize the things I know?

[Barry, sung]
It smells like ass
[All]
But even so...

I wouldn't change a thing about it
'Cause most other stores are crap
Buying music shouldn't be like
Buying khakis at the Gap
[Ensemble Men]
Don't fall into the Gap

[Rob, Dick, Barry]
We're the experts here on ev'rything
That's anything of worth
[All]
If you hate mass market
Bring your ass and park it
At the last real record store on earth

[Barry & Dick]
This ain't no Tower!
[Ensemble]
This ain't no Tower!
[Barry & Dick]
This ain't no Coconuts!
[Ensemble]
This ain't no Coconuts!
[Barry, spoken]
And this ain't no soulless, sanitized, corporate, Third Reich fuckin' Wal-Mart!
[Rob, spoken]
All right, Barry
[Barry, spoken]
They're sucking the blood of the little guys!
[Rob, spoken]
No shit

[Rob, sung]
My rent check bounced
[Barry, sung]
I live at home
[Dick, sung]
Stayed up 'til four watching Mary Tyler Moore
[Rob]
My girl holds out
[Barry]
My girl inflates
[Dick]
I think I had sex once, but I'm not sure

[All]
The things I hope for seem so far away
[Dick]
So far away
[All]
I'm not too brilliant on the day-to-day
[Barry]
What's the day today?
[All]
That's why I come Monday through Saturday

And I wouldn't change a thing about it
My whole world's inside this door
Where would I go, what would I do without it
This is all I'm living for

[Rob]
For the serious collector
Who knows a record's worth
If you hate mass market
Bring your ass and park it
[All]
It's the best - that's final
Find the finest vinyl
At the last real record store

[Rob]
We've got blues and soul and R&B
We've got blues and soul and R&B
[Barry]
Ska, punk and New Wave
[Rob]
We've got blues and soul and R&B
[Barry]
Ska, punk and New Wave
[Rob]
We've got blues and soul and R&B
[Barry]
Ska, punk and New Wave
[Dick]
Hip hop, rock and pop
[Rob]
We've got blues and soul and R&B
[Barry]
Ska, punk and New Wave
[Dick]
Hip hop, rock and pop
[Rob]
We've got blues and soul and R&B
[All]
And the only thing that we don't have is
Customers who shop

[Rob]
I always dreamed someday
I'd have this wonderful career
I went where the music took me
And, oh God, it took me here
And they'll write it on my tombstone
Right beside my date of birth:
Part-time stoner
Went from clerk to owner
Of the last real record store on earth

[Barry, Dick & Ensemble]
Wouldn't change a thing about it!
[Rob]
Last real record store on earth
[Barry, Dick & Ensemble]
Gonna get up on the roof and shout it
[Rob]
Last real record store on earth
[Barry, Dick & Ensemble]
But will it hold us all? I doubt it

[Rob]
And I...
[Barry & Male Ensemble]
I...
[Dick & Female Ensemble]
I...

[Rob, Dick & Barry]
I wouldn't change a thing...
[Ensemble]
Wouldn't change a-
Wouldn't change a-
Wouldn't change a thing!
[Rob, Dick & Barry]
I wouldn't change a thing...
[Ensemble]
Wouldn't change a-
Wouldn't change a-
Wouldn't change a thing!
[Rob, Dick & Barry]
I wouldn't change a thing...
[Ensemble]
Wouldn't change a thing!
Wouldn't change a-
Wouldn't change a thing!