[Rob]
Why can't I be like the Boss?
'Cause being like me's no fun
Why was I doomed to be left?
Why wasn't I born to run?

Why can't I let loose of this heavy load
Or rage and of pain
Why can't I be from Thunder Road
And not from Pudding Hill Lane
With my girl on stage there smiling across
Even for one night
Why can't I be like the Boss?

Whoa-whoa
Whoa whoa whoa whoa
Why can't I be like the Boss?
Whoa-whoa
Whoa whoa whoa whoa
Why can't I be like the-

[Spoken section]
Bruce: Why can't you, Rob?
Rob: What?
Bruce: Why can't you, y'know, be like me?
Rob: Boss?!
Bruce: Please, call me Mr. Springsteen. You know, with your top 5 break-ups - why don't you get in touch with them?
Rob: Why would I?
Bruce: Well, it's like in "Bobby Jean..."
Rob: Where you call the girl up, and she's left town, and you're pissed off you didn't know about it?
Bruce: Right! Because I wanted to say goodbye, and I missed her, and I wish her good luck. It's closure, man. And it's the same with your Top Five!
[End spoken section]

[Bruce, sung]
Why don't you call them like the ghosts
That roam the main street of the steel town
Where the plant's been closed
Since Veteran's Day?

[Rob, spoken]
What plant?

[Bruce, sung]
You're a lost soul drowning
In the mem'ries that haunt you
All those pretty bare feet running into the night
See them running away

[Rob, spoken]
But what would I say?

[Bruce, sung]
Just tell 'em how you are
And ask 'em how they are
Then look into their eyes
And talk without making a sound

Then you can forgive them for messin' around
And they can forgive you for messin' around
Yeah you can forgive them for messin' around
And they can forgive you for messin' around

Think how good you'll be feeling then
Shining like the chrome on your bike
All revved up and ready to start again
Laughing as you're thinking back to when
Love was something you didn't like

So bottled up with pain you might explode
So if you want to be lifted of your heavy load
Say goodbye and good luck to your top five break-ups
And move on down the road

[Rob, spoken]
Say what?

[Bruce, sung]
Say goodbye and good luck to your top five break-ups
And move on down the road!

[Rob, sung]
Alison who ditched me
After three days in the park

[Bruce, spoken]
Call her!

[Rob, sung]
Penny who wouldn't let me feel her up
Then had sex with that bastard Clark

[Bruce, spoken]
Woo, cold!

[Rob, sung]
Charlie who was too much for my heart to defend

[Bruce, spoken]
That's right!

[Rob, sung]
Sarah who was safe, but then turned gay in the end

[Bruce, spoken]
C'mon!

[Both]
Laura who made me/you
The mess that I am/you are today!

[Bruce, sung]
One, two, three!
Goodbye and good luck to your top five break-ups
And move on down the road!

[CELL PHONES RING]

[Spoken section]
Alison: Hello?
Penny: Hey-hey-hey
Charlie: Pronto
Sarah: Yo
[End spoken section]

[Rob, sung]
Well hey there I just called to say hello
And wish you well and that
I cherish those times we shared
Despite what you did

[Alison, spoken]
Who is this?

[Rob, sung]
Though you wouldn't even let me
Touch your breast
Then gave it up for Clark
Let's put the past to rest
Hey, you were only a kid

[Penny, spoken]
How'd you get this number?

[Rob, sung]
Sure I was naive then
My-heart-on-my-sleeve then
And I never quite got my feet
Back on the ground

[Charlie, spoken]
That's my call-waiting

[Sarah, spoken]
I'm a dyke!

[Rob, sung]
But, girl, I forgive you for messin' around
And I hope you forgive me for messin' around
Just know I forgive you for messin' around
And I pray you forgive me for messin' around

Now I'm feelin' clean and new and fresh
Shining like the chrome on my bike

[Bruce, spoken]
Schwinn!

[Rob, sung]
All revved up and ready to start again

[Bruce, sung]
Yeah, you're laughing as you're thinkin' back to when
Love was somethin' you didn't like

[Rob]
I put an end to that old episode

[Both]
And if you want to be lifted of your heavy load
Say goodbye and good luck to my/your top five break-ups
And move on down the road
Say goodbye and good luck to my/your top five break-ups

[Bruce]
Ciao and adios to your top five break-ups

[Both]
So long and sayonara
To that old pain and sorro'

[Rob]
I'm movin' on down!

[Bruce]
You won't stick around!

[Rob]
I'm movin' on down-

[Both]
The road!