[Verse 1: Mario]
It's a-me, Mario, don't be hatin'
That I'm just Chris Pratt doing an impersonation
We're the Mario Bros, blew our money on this ad
To get one client with a dog behaving bad
Bathroom blows up, sewage on my butt
We gotta save Brooklyn through a pipe that sucks
Land on a shroom, what great, good luck
I hope Luigi's not stuck in a rut

[Verse 2: Luigi]
Stalked and attacked by bony phantoms
Scaring me more than Luigi's Mansion
Tortured, Bowser rips my 'stache
Then locks me up over a lava bath
Meow

[Chorus: Mario & Bowser]
Walk through the kingdom, pledge allegiance to the princess
Forge an alliance with the Kongs I must impress
I'll vanquish Mario if Peaches thinks he's hot
I'll make that girl my bride, I'm rising to the top
So long, gay Bowser
So, so long, gay Bowser
So long, gay Bowser
So, so long, gay, gay, gay, gay Bowser
[Verse 3: Donkey Kong & Mario]
It's on like Donkey Kong
Beat your butt while I dis your mom
My favorite thing's to hit my bongo
As I jiggle to my jam that's straight from the Congo
Rainbow Road back to mushroom realm
Till the damn blue shell overwhelms
DK drowns, so I dive to save him
Swallowed by an eel, nowhere left to swim

[Bridge: Bowser & Peach]
Will you marry me?
Ew! Get away from me, you—
Only one way to scratch my heart when it itches
Know it's bestiality, but I love Peaches
Can't fight emotions even if they're bizarre
Just keep the funk away from my Power Star

[Chorus: Mario & Bowser]
Walk through the kingdom, pledge allegiance to the princess
Forge an alliance with the Kongs I must impress
I'll vanquish Mario if Peaches thinks he's hot—yeah!
I'll make that girl my bride, I'm rising to the top
So long, gay Bowser
So, so long, gay Bowser
So long, gay Bowser
So, so long, gay, gay, gay, gay...