[Verse 1]
Have you ever got a script without a sig or a date
But the patient throw a fit cuz you wanted ‘em to wait?
Lemme tell ya a story of my situation
It’s applicable to pharmacists across the nation
The way that I met her was in line near the butt creams
She was gettin' yelled at but her eye had a gleam
It was the very first time that we ever met
I was looking for some butt cream, lest you forget
I whispered in her еar, "Yo, I be tryin' to poo
So can I ask you some questions to try and softеn my stool?"
She asked "Who’s my doc?", I said "Blah blah blah
I got 9/10 pain and my butt be raw!"
She clicked a couple of clicks but still was enthused
She said “I love the pharmacy but hate that PBM abuse”
I asked what I had, she started throwin’ back truth
It could be fistula, fissures, abscess, or hemorrhoids too
I was like, damn, you’re smart, she said "Try not to sit
8 years of school, but hey, I’m 'just a pharmacist.'"
Come on!
I’m not even going for it
Y-You just saved my LIFE girl!

[Chorus 1]
You…you got a PharmD, but they say you just dispense
And you hate those PBMs, OH BABY
You…you work Pharmacy, but they say you just push pills
Ain’t nobody want Advils, OH BABY
You…you got what I need, and I think it starts with "D"
Cuz the dog ate my oxy
[Verse 2]
So I took Blah Blah’s script out at this time
I thought 300 Di-La-Las would get me feelin’ just fine
She said “Your script’s in crayon, and that’s a fact
And with that many narcs, I bet your colon’s all jacked!"
I said "Forget about that, yo! Just gimme my pills!"
She said "I’m worried about you, now let me use these mad skills
See what had happened, was, you got addicted to drugs
Opioids cause constipation, can you follow me, cuz?
Your bowels freeze up and then you’re straining at stool
And now your hemorrhoids POP from all that rock hard poo!
Now you’re asking for buttcream but that ain’t ya jam
You's addicted to opioids and they KILLIN’ you, Fam!"
Aw snap! I never seen it that way!
Could it be I’m medicating my emotional pain?
See, I never had a dad, and my mom’s is mean
But my pharmacist knows me and can see in between!
I told her "I LOVE YOU and I have to insist..."
She said, "I love my patients too but I’m just your pharmacist."
Don’t... don't even gimme that!
You just taught me from first principles, girl

[Chorus 2]
You…you got a Pharm D, but they say you just dispense
But you treat me like a prince, OH BABY
You…you work pharmacy, paperwork, it never ends
So let’s fire those PBMs, OH BABY
You…you got what I need, and I think it starts with "P"
Community Pharmacy! OH BABY!
[Verse 3 (Spoken Stanza)]
Girl, your phones be blowin’ up, ain’t no one help you, but you STILL make time for me. I love this place. I ain’t NEVER leaving
So I got a question, the most IMPORTANT question I ever asked ANYBODY…
What my co-pay gonna be?
Yeah, $15?
Mm Hmm, yeah, ain’t nobody got time for that, OK? I’m out
Peace out Pharmacy