[Verse 1]
No appointment, I walk in
To your clinic complaining of pain
"Doctor shopping" once again
When I found you I thought
"Oh my god, you really 'get me'
And your last name’s followed by an 'MD'
You’re my ticket to ecstasy…
(Uh, I mean “pain relief”)"

[Verse 2]
Stethoscope, coat and tie
I can play you like the lottery
Tears flow, crocodile
As I tell you 'bout my three slipped discs
Chronic migraine, RSD, and abdominal pain
I define "secondary gain"
Did I mention I have allergies to Toradol and Motrin?

[Chorus 1]
Don’t try to gimme no NSAID’s
Won’t take acetominophen
You ain’t dealin' with a novice, son
My pain scale STARTS at "10"
Got a long list of ex-doctors
They’ll tell you I need hеlp
Just gimme my pain meds, baby
Or I’ll screw you on Yеlp
I was young, I was reckless
I took things way too far
Never thought I’d get addicted
Now, I’m higher than a shooting star
Got a long list of ex-doctors
They’ll tell you I’m insane
But you’ve got a blank script, baby
And I’ve got some pain
[Verse 3]
Sweat is soaking through my clothes
And my brain doesn’t want to work
Snot running down my nose
Stomach’s cramping, I got the squirts
I puke 'till my throat’s raw
This must be what it’s like to withdraw
Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh no

[Verse 4]
Screaming, crying, I’m a jerk
Family left, all because of my drugs
"Sorry, I can’t come to work"
Must be yet another nasty “bug”
One script is all I need
Then you might think you’re rid of me
But I’ll come back each time I leave
'Cause darling I’m a junkie dressed like your Auntie

[Bridge]
Being hooked on these narcs is like torture
All the lies, wasted life, can’t take it no more
Being hooked, wanna quit but I can’t cope
All of this, a cry for help, you’re my last hope

[Chorus 2]
I was young, I was reckless
I took things way too far
Never thought I’d get addicted
Now, I’m trying to score a fix in your ER
Got a long list of ex-doctors
They’ll tell you I’m insane
You’ve got a blank script, baby
And I’ve got some pain