[spoken (sung)]

[Stephanie Tanner]
My dad's gonna flip out on me (深情有几深)

[Charles]
Well, you know what helps? Try thinking of a funny movie, like-like Home Alone or Roger Rabbit. That's what I always do when I'm getting it (也许似海 到今宵懒得估计)

[Stephanie Tanner]
...Getting what? (只知凌晨两点钟你早已清理着盟誓)

[Charles]
Oh, you know, when your dad's pounding you (痴情有几痴)

[Studio audience]
[loud cheering] (懒得去数我手指 半生一世)

[Stephanie Tanner]
You mean hitting?... Did you get hit a lot? (只知凌晨四点钟 你竟去拥抱着厨柜)

[Charles]
Just forget it, okay? Let's do the assignment!

[Stephanie Tanner]
Charles, you can trust me, I swear!

[Charles]
No! I don't care if you swear on your mother's life!

[Stephanie Tanner]
...My mother is not alive

[Studio audience]
OH! (assorted shocked noises & light applause)

[Charles]
...Mine's not alive, either

[Studio audience]
Ooooh!

[Charles]
Look, the truth is, my dad does hit me sometimes, but it's my own fault for ticking him off (深情有几深
也许似海 到今宵懒得估计)

[Studio audience]
(laughter) (只知凌晨两点钟你早已清理着盟誓)

[Charles]
Boy, did he clobber me last week

[Stephanie Tanner]
You mean... when you came into school with that black eye, and said you ran into a door? (痴情有几痴)

[Charles]
Yeah. A door named Dad (懒得去数我手指 半生一世
只知凌晨四点钟 你竟去拥抱着厨柜)

[Studio audience]
(stronger laughter)

[C.D. Parker]
And how are you doing, little partner?

[Lucas Simms]
Fine, and it's "little visitor" now

[Studio audience]
(light laughter)

[Lucas Simms]
"Usdi adadamdvhidohi" is how you say it in Cherokee

[C.D. Parker]
Oh, well, pardon my French, but I'll be damned

[Lucas Simms]
...Walker told me I have AIDS

[Studio audience]
(laughter & applause)

[sung]
深情有几深
也许似海 到今宵懒得估计
只知凌晨两点钟你早已清理着盟誓

痴情有几痴
懒得去数我手指 半生一世
只知凌晨四点钟 你竟去拥抱着厨柜