(Ken Bone)
Alright, Kenny boy. It's the big day. Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Oh golly, what do I do?


(Both)
Really?


(Hillary Clinton)
Vote for me!
Thirty years in the game
And although Clinton's my name
I'll be damned if I let a man define the rest of my days




(Donald Trump)
My business is booming, I'm entrepreneuring
Fighting fires with you're fired, tired of waiting for the legislators




(Hillary Clinton)
Vote for me!
I'm on a mission



(Donald Trump)
Vote for me!
I'm tired of pissing next to trannies and welfare grannies
Black lives matter Afghanis




(Both)
Gotta be sure we don't backtrack
It's time to take the country back




(Ken Bone)
But what are your policies?




(Donald Trump)
I'd love to answer that but first lemme be shady
Tell me, how many banks are in your top ten donors, lady?
One, two, three, four



(Hillary Clinton)
Don't declare nuclear war!
What are his policies?
Malice fueling impossible fallacies?
Ban religions build fantasies
A wall to keep out the Wildlings




(Donald Trump)
I fund your campaigns, hear the concerns?
You earn your money on the Wall Streets, even Bill's feelin the Bern
Or not, you haven't fronted the Bill since '95
Bring back Lewinsky, least she knew her way around a mic




(Hillary Clinton)
Ew.
You've dropped the F-bomb, the P-word, the C-word, and that's just the shortlist
TRUMP - The only thing I'm dropping is the mic - TRUMP
Great, get rid of Mike Pence
And while we're at it, drop these plagiarizing controversies,
First Melania with Michelle, now you with white men from the 50s
Who taught you no means grope? Really though
Wanna wash that locker mouth out with soap, hope you choke on that slippery slope



(Donald Trump)
I grab one crotch, Republicans run for the Hillarys
If you were an intern or a balloon I'm certain Bill would act similarly
It's golf chat, ad hoc, my not-so-small small talk
One faux pas and I'm foe fox, I love women,
Don't talk
You're so two faced, one's white lies, one's boldfaced
Now, just shift to the middle, drop that democratic bass




(Hillary Clinton)
Our economy's crumbling, it's not time for a wannabe
Least I won't nuke New York cause SNL makes fun of me
You're delusional, bankrupt, your casinos are trash
I'm shocked you can divide the country since you clearly can't do math
It's the mad T party, go grab yourself a pie chart
Cut taxes on the rich, convince poor people it's smart
Throw your marital logic at us, break the Union apart
News flash, in the last civil war the racists had to restart




(Donald Trump)
Running a country's just like running business
I'll handle nukes like Gary Busey on Celeb Apprentice
You're fired
BOOM! Now there's no trouble at customs
What a deal, world peace only costs 1 billion Muslims


Hillary Clinton)(
Let's make peace in the East, not copy their liturgies
Years of Obama's a Muslim, but Pence is gonna lead us like the Saudis
Please, open up a book beyond the two you cite:
The Bible you didn't read, and the book about you you didn't write




(Donald Trump)
Between the deaths in Benghazi and all those missing emails
This monopoly owner votes Clinton goes directly to jail
She'll be more useful in chains than following up Barack
And while we're at it, jail him too, orange is the new black
I'll make a mess of America make my Mexicans clean it
Throw my name on the White House and deport em if they can't read it
Beware the old hag
She's just Barack in drag
I'll use that black guy to end her
Just like Othello, last act
My fellow class acts, let's throw back in tow
And lynch Obama out the White's House, Jim Crow 2.0




(Ken Bone)
Alrighty, okay.
I think I’ve made my decision
Ken Bone is voting…
Third party!




(Gary Johnson)
What’s Aleppo?