[Verse 1]
Now, I've got a cousin called Kevin
He's sure to go to heaven
Always spotless, clean and neat
As smooth as you'll get 'em
He's got a fur lined sheepskin jacket
My ma said they cost a packet
But she won't even let me explain
That me and Kevin we're just not the same

[Chorus]
Oh, my perfect cousin
What I like to do he doesn't
He's his family's pride and joy
His mother's little golden boy

[Verse 2]
He's got a degree in economics
Maths, physics and bionics
He thinks that I'm a cabbage
'Cause I hate University Challenge
Even at the age of ten
Smart boy Kevin was a smart boy then
He always beat me at Subbuteo
'Cause he "flicked to kick"
And I didn't know
[Chorus]
Oh, my perfect cousin
What I like to do he doesn't
He's his family's pride and joy
His mother's little golden boy

[Instrumental Bridge]

[Verse 3]
His mother bought him a synthesiser
Got the Human League into advise her
Now he's making lots of noise
Playing along with the art school boys
Girls try to attract his attention
But what a shame, it's in vain, total rejection
He will never be left on the shelf
'Cause Kevin, he's in love with himself

[Chorus]
Oh, my perfect cousin
What I like to do he doesn't
He's his family's pride and joy
His mother's little golden boy