[Verse 1]
Well, I've been around for a long time
And I learned along the way
If you wanna go on the radio
There are words you just can't say
Now I thought hard about it
And I found a way around it

[Chorus]
Help me go on the radio
You gotta say the words I can't
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't
Come on, ma'am! Won't you gimme a hand
And say those words I can't?
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't

[Verse 2]
Down in Carolina
I met a girl with a nice
So I reached down between us
And I whipped out my
We skipped right past the sucking
And got right down to
She turned and said "I gotta ask
Will you slip it into my"
[Chorus]
Help me go on the radio
You gotta say the words I can't
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't
Come on, ma'am! Won't you gimme a hand
And say those words I can't?
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't

[Verse 3]
Her husband was a trucker
He was a filthy mother
I didn't want to wrassle
With this no good stinkin'
I heard him come through the kitchen door
But I was banging his filthy
I knew I'd end up in a ditch
If he caught me riding his

[Chorus]
Help me go on the radio
You gotta say the words I can't
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't
Come on, ma'am! Won't you gimme a hand
And say those words I can't?
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't
[Verse 4]
"Mercy, please!" I told him
But he grabbed me by the
And he did something heinous
He exposed his
I said "I don't mean to seem crass
But why are you buttering up your"
He said "My wife's a beard and she lured you here
Because I'm queer and I love it in the"

[Chorus]
You helped me go on the radio
By saying those words I can't
You had to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't!
Sir and ma'am, thanks for lending a hand
By saying those words I can't!
You had to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song, the filthiest song
The dirtiest song that ain't!