Junot Díaz
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao (excerpt 10)
Did I try to help him with his girl situation? Share some of my playery wisdom?
Of course I did. Problem was, when it came to the mujeres my roommate was like no one on the planet. On the other hand, he had the worst case of no-toto-itis I’d ever seen. The last person to even come close was this poor Salvadoran kid I knew in high school who was burned all over his face, couldn’t get no girls ever because he looked like the Phantom of the Opera . Well: Oscar had it worse than him. At least Jeffery could claim an honest medical condition. What could Oscar claim? That it was Sauron’s fault? Dude weighed 307 pounds, for fuck’s sake! Talked like a Star Trek computer! The real irony was that you never met a kid who wanted a girl so fucking bad. I mean, shit, I thought I was the one who was into females, but no one, and I mean no one, was into them the way Oscar was. To him they were the beginning and end, the Alpha and the Omega , the DC and the Marvel . Homes had it bad; couldn’t so much as see a cute girl without breaking into the shakes. Developed crushes out of nothing- must have had at least two dozen high-level ones that first semester alone. Not that any of these shits ever came to anything. How could they? Oscar’s idea of a G was to talk about role-playing games ! How fucking crazy is that? (my favorite was the day on the E bus when he informed me some hot morena , if you were in my game I would give you an eighteen Charisma !)