There's a house in Eastbourne where the ladies love to gather
They swap their knitting patterns and their stories of young lovers
And on Saturday night they take it in turns to lead
Nine ladies dancing on the Eastbourne Pier

On Christmas Day it's left to Doris to carve the turkey
And Penny dresses up in her old Santa suit and stockings
After dinner they pack their chairs away
Nine ladies dancing together on Christmas Day

When you go to work make sure you wear your hard-rimmed helmet
And eat your five-a-day and always drive within the limit
Cos if you don't then I may be left here
With the ladies dancing on the Eastbourne Pier