(The commentators become 20s style radio announcers.)

(Music of the giddy jazz-age.)

(The contestants start dancing.)

SAMSON:
It’s a Jazz Age Prohibition Era Speakeasy, Jaynie, would you look at that?

JAYNIE:
Ruffle your tail feathers!

SAMSON:
Shake your beaded tassels

MO:
Wag your bran muffins!

SAMSON:
Let’s get a mid-heat pulse on the contestants shall we? How all you dolls—

JAYNIE:
Dames—

SAMSON:
Dicks—
MO:
And dead soldiers--!

JAYNIE:
Linguistic Fact: “Dick” with a K, has been used to refer to detectives since the beginning of the 20th century and persons with penises way before that -

SAMSON:
HOW ALL YOU DOIN’ TONIGHT?

ALL:
WE DON’T CARE
WHAT YOU WANT US TO BE
CAUSE TONIGHT WE’RE FLIPPING ON THE MOON
GIVE ME A GIN AND MOLLY

‘CAUSE TONIGHT BY GOLLY
GONNA CROON
GONNA SWOON
GONNA SHATTER MY COCOON
POUR SOME GLITTER ON MY FACE
AND LAUGH LIKE AN IDIOT

(ROYSHANNA and NICKI are trying to refill plastic martini glasses from their Hello Kitty (or otherwise Kawaii) flask without anyone noticing.)

TYE:
I FEEL GREAT!
DAKOTA:
ME TOO!

ROGER:
YOU DO?

GRACE:
WHAT’S IN THE PUNCH?

HARPER:
I FEEL GIDDY ALL THE SUDDEN!

TYE:
POSITIVELY SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL!

JANELLE:
DO DO DO DO DO!

HARPER:
NO SINGING IF YOU DON’T KNOW THE WORDS, JANELLE!

JANELLE:
NO SINGING IF YOU DON’T KNOW THE WORDS, JANELLE!

SORRY
JANELLE drinks some punch
JANELLE:
WHAT’S IN THIS PUNCH?

CYRUS, ROGER, ROYSHANNA, NICKI:
WHAT’S IN THIS PUNCH?

ROGER:
DON’T DRINK THE PUNCH
CUZ IT’S PROBABLY SPIKED

DAKOTA:
OH BUT I’M DANCING NOW, AREN’T I?

ROGER:
DAKOTA IT’S ILLEGAL

TYE:
HOW ‘BOUT YOU?

GRACE:
NO THANKS I’M GOOD WITHOUT IT

TYE:
YOU’RE SO SWEET

GRACE:
YES I KNOW

TYE:
GOTTA GO

GRACE:
TYE WAIT

ROGER:
IT’S ILLEGAL!

(ROGER takes away DAKOTA’s glass of punch; she tries to get it back.)

DAKOTA:
Roger - I’m not the only one drinking!

ROGER
We should be setting an example

DAKOTA:
Ok, Mr. 1600

ROGER:
1590 - you know I missed a question

DAKOTA:
If I have to hear about that fucking question one more time I’m gonna shoot
Myself!

SAMSON:
Is there a giddy energy in here or is that just the giggle juice bumping my gums?

JAYNIE:
I’ve never seen so much enthusiasm for a ring-a-ding-ding without a side of Mickey Finn

MO:
Really? They all seem kind of high to me

JANELLE:
(screams) Oh my God I’m so trashed, this is awesome!

ROYSHANNA(trying to temper Janelle):
Whoa whoa whoa whoa

(The music changes; Royshanna and Nicki sing to Janelle.)

ROYSHANNA:
LET’S TAKE A MINUTE AND COLLECT OUR THOUGHTS
EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOUR MIND IS A LITTLE BIT SHOT
YOU WANNA BURN YOURSELF UP AND GET A LITTLE BIT CRACKED
THAT’S FINE BUT THINK ABOUT THE WAY YOU ACT
SCREAMING LIKE A FOOL, “I’M SO MESSED UP!”
YAPPING YOUR MOUTH LIKE A LITTLE PUP
NOW YOU’RE GONNA GET CAUGHT
GONNA CATCH YOURSELF IN A SPOT

NICKI:
I’VE BEEN TURNING ON SINCE I WAS JUST THIRTEEN
WITH A LITTLE BIT OF LIQUOR AND A LOT OF GREEN
I APPRECIATE THE WAY THAT MY MIND TURNS ROUND
GETS A–MESMERIZED BY THE SIGHTS AND SOUNDS
OF THE WORLD OUTSIDE OF MY LITTLE HEAD
IT’S A LITTLE MORE CRAZY AND A LITTLE LESS DEAD
BUT ONE THING I KNOW IS YOU GOTTA KEEP COOL
CUZ YOU NEVER WANT TO DEAL WITH A BUTTON-UP FOOL
WHEN YOU’RE BUZZING AND FLIPPING
AND SINGING LIKE A BUMBLE BEE
SO TAKE IT FROM ME

BOTH:
TAKE IT FROM ME
YOU GOTTA BE SUBTLE
SUBTLE
KEEP IT ON DOWN
DON’T ADVERTISE WHEN YOU’RE MESSING AROUND
(x4)

ROYSHANNA(to Janelle):
Here, watch
Hey Cyrus!

CYRUS:
Royshanna, Nicki -
How are you two?

ROYSHANNA:
Subtle, thanks, and how are you?

CYRUS:
What’s it black out?

NICKI:
Whatever you want it to

CYRUS:
Mind if I join you?

NICKI:
Don’t mind if you do
So long as we’re subtle

ROYSHANNA:
Subtle

NICKI:
Subtle

CYRUS & JANELLE:
SUBTLE

NICKI:
I WANNA SPARKLE UP, I DON’T WANNA BE A DRAG
BUT I JUST DON’T SEE WHY THESE KIDS HAVE TO BRAG
MY INTOXICATION IS A LITTLE SECRET
IT LOSES ITS ROMANCE IF YOU GO AND LEAK IT

ROYSHANNA:
AND I’M SO COOL I’VE MASTERED THE ART
OF SAYING MY LINES AND PLAYING MY PART
TEACHER ASK A QUESTION I STAND UP STRAIGHT
POP MY COLLAR AND SMILE AND CONCENTRATE
USE MY LOGIC AND FLOW ANSWER PROBLEM NUMBERS 1 THRU 9

CYRUS:
That’s fine, that’s fine

ROYSHANNA:
IT’S NOT JUST FINE IT’S

BOTH:
SUBTLE
SUBTLE
KEEP IT ON DOWN
DON’T ADVERTISE WHEN YOU’RE MESSING AROUND
(x4)

JANELLE:
And if they ask: “Are you sober?”

ROYSHANNA:
Of course, Sir!

NICKI:
What a question

ROYSHANNA:
What a query!

NICKI:
Your suspicions, sir, leave me frightfully weary

ROYSHANNA:
Of course we’re sober!

NICKI:
What’d you see, Mister?

ROYSHANNA:
What’d you eyeball, copper?

NICKI:
What’d you spit over here, wet torpedo!?

JANELLE:
Depends

ROYSHANNA:
Depends on what?

JANELLE:
You got any more?

NICKI:
Just promise us one thing:

JANELLE:
Yes, yes, yes -

ALL:
WE GOTTA BE

SUBTLE
SUBTLE
KEEP IT ON DOWN
DON’T ADVERTISE WHEN YOU’RE MESSING AROUND
(x2)

NO ONE WILL NOTICE WE’RE OUT OF CONTROL
NO ONE WILL KNOW WE’VE LET LOOSE
NO ONE WILL NOTICE WE’RE FALLING APART
AND OUR NECKS ARE IN THE NOOSE

FASTER AND HARDER
AND SPIRALING DOWN
BLACKING OUT WITH KALEIDOSCOPE NIGHTS
SMILING AND NODDING
AND CRASHING OUR CARS
BLINDED AND FRIED BY THE LIGHTS

NICKI:
Subtle

ROYSHANNA:
Subtle

NICKI:
Subtle

ROYSHANNA:
So we don’t get in trouble

(NICKI dips.)

NICKI:
Whoops!

ROYSHANNA:
I don’t think anybody saw that

NICKI:
Pass it off as a move

ROYSHANNA:
Pass it off as a shake

NICKI:
Pass it off as a lindy hop

ROYSHANNA:
What? That is just how I walk

NICKI:
This is just how I hold myself

ROYSHANNA:
My own particular comportment

NICKI:
Play it off

ROYSHANNA:
Nothing’s wrong

NICKI:
Everything’s cool

(ROYSHANNA missteps.)

ROYSHANNA:
Whoops!

NICKI:
There she goes!

ROYSHANNA:
And she’s up!

NICKI:
And she’s up!

ROYSHANNA:
And she’s back!

NICKI:
And she’s up!

ROYSHANNA:
And she’s cool

NICKI:
And we’re cool

ROYSHANNA:
Nothing to see

(ROYSHANNA & NICKI bumper car into other couples.)

HARPER:
Hey, watch it!

NICKI:
Think anyone saw that?

DAKOTA:
That’s my foot!

ROYSHANNA:
Cool as a cucumber

JANELLE:
There’s a person here

(DJ hits the AIR HORN.)
(Break)