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Andrew Lippa
What If?

[PUGSLEY]
What if she never tortures me anymore?
How would I manage?
What if she never nails my tongue
To the bathroom floor?
What if she walks away
Leaving me a-ok
Hiding each power tool
Why would she be so cruel?

I could stab my arm myself
Could rip my tonsils out
Could set my hair aflame
I could spray my eyes with mace
But face the fact, without her
It wouldn't be the same

[PUGSLEY, spoken]
Grandma, what if there was this girl who met this person and they're gonna run away and live alone and eat apples
What would you give her?

[GRANDMA, spoken]
Nothing. She's your sister. Be happy for her

[PUGSLEY, spoken]
But what if she doesn't get rid of him? What if all the good times are already behind me?
[GRANDMA, spoken]
That's life, kid. You lose the thing you love

[PUGSLEY]
Wednesday will drink and then
She'll be herself again
Lucas will leave her be
So she can torture me
Just like she always did
'Til then, I'm just a strange, fat kid