[MEDIUM ALISON]
What happened last night?
Are you really here?
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan
Hi Joan!
Don’t wake up Joan!
Oh my God, last night
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, last night

I got so excited
I was too enthusiastic
Thank you for not laughing
Well, you laughed a little bit at one point when I was touching you and said I might lose consciousness
Which you said was adorable, and I just have to trust
That you don’t think I’m an idiot or some kind of an animal
I’ve never lost control due to overwhelming lust
But I must say that I’m changing my major to Joan
I’m changing my major to sex with Joan
I’m changing my major to sex with Joan
With a minor in kissing Joan
Foreign study to Joan's inner thighs
A seminar on Joan’s ass in her Levi’s
And Joan’s crazy brown eyes

Joan, I feel like Hercules!
Oh God, that sounds ridiculous
Just keep on sleeping through this
And I’ll work on calming down
So by the time you’ve woken up
I’ll be cool. I’ll be collected
And I’ll have found some dignity, but who needs dignity?
'Cause this is so much better
I’m radiating happiness
Will you stay here with me for the rest of the semester?
We won’t need any food
We’ll live on sex alone
Sex with Joan!
I am writing a thesis on Joan
It’s a cutting edge field, and my mind is blown
I would gladly stay up every night to hone
My compulsory skills with Joan
I will study my way down her spine
Familiarize myself with her well-made outline
While she researches mine

I don’t know who I am
I’ve become someone new
Nothing I just did is anything I would do
Overnight, everything changed. I am not prepared
I’m dizzy. I’m nauseous. I’m shaky
I’m scared
Am I falling in to nothingness
Or flying into something so sublime?
I don’t know, but I’m changing my major to Joan
I thought all my life I’d be all alone
But that was before I was lying prone in this dorm room bed with Joan
Look, she drooled on the pillow, so sweet
All sweaty and tangled up in my bed sheet
And my heart feels complete

Let’s never leave this room
How about we stay here 'till finals?
I’ll go to school forever
I’ll take out a dementedly huge high interest loan
'Cause I’m changing my major to Joan