[Intro: Barbra Streisand & Melissa McCarthy]
Hi, Melissa?
Oh, wow! Barbra Streisand
Streisand, like sand on the beach, soft 'S'
Right, sorry, what are you doing here?
I'm here to see the director
He cast me as the lead in his new movie
He cast me as the lead in his new movie
That's impossible
Yeah, well we'll see
Really?

[Verse 1: Barbra Streisand, Melissa McCarthy & Both]
Anything part you can play, I can play better
I can play any part better than you
No, you can't. Yes, I can
No, you can't. Yes, I can
No, you can't. Yes, I can
Yes, I can!
Any laugh you can get, I can get bigger
I can get any laugh as big as you
With one look, with a glance
Till they cry, wet their pants
Till they roll, till they're sore
I'll get more
Oh, I can belt a D flat, and I'll never be flat
I don't have to warm up, I can act a storm up
I can do a concert tour
With hip-hop and rap?
Well, after a nap!
[Spoken Interlude: Barbra Streisand & Melissa McCarthy]
Okay, you got me there
Are you related to Matthew?
No, that's McConaughey
What about Paul?
That's McCartney!
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sorry

[Verse 2: Barbra Streisand, Melissa McCarthy & Both]
Any house you can build, I can build better
I can build any home grander than yours
With great taste? With ten [?]
With restraint? Lots of [?]
With a moving wall With a mall?
A mall?
In any comedy, I can be crasser
I can be cruder and crasser than you
With a belch? With a burp
With a shrug? With a slug
Yet so clean Well, I'm just not obscene
You're a dirty talker
You played Mother Falker
Bridesmaid's a keeper
Prince's dad's a weeper
We agree on quite a lot
Hey, let's make amends!
Yeah, we should be friends!
[Spoken Interlude: Barbra Streisand & Melissa McCarthy]
What do you call a man who's lost all his intelligence?
I don't know, what?
A widower
Ah!

[Verse 3: Barbra Streisand, Melissa McCarthy & Both]
Anything men can do, we can do better
Anything men can do, we can do too
Steal a scene, stop the show
Fill the seats as our own
Have a child with a man
Yes, we can!
We were underrated, teased and deprecated
But we sent a male in, through the glass ceiling
There is nothing we can't do
Well, can you bake a pie? No
Well, neither can I! You know
Anything I can do, we can do better
We can do anything better as two
Make chick-flicks but it kicks
As a team, we're a dream
You're the bomb (Huh?)
You'll be great (Really?)
Like my mom!
Your mom, don't you mean sister?
Okay— Why did you say a thing like that?
Touchy Well, I mean, do you have to—
Fine
On your fan, yes we can, yes we can
Yes we can!
[Outro: Barbra Streisand & Melissa McCarthy]
Hah! Can I call you babs now?
No, too soon