Life is just a bowl of cherries

[spoken]
I'm not gonna sing that song
I hope you don't like it too much!

[sung]
Napoleon's a pastry
Bismarck is a herring
Alexander's a crème de cacao mixed with rum
Herbie Hoover is a vacuum

Columbus is a circle and a day off
Pershing is a square, what a pay-off
Julius Caesar is now a salad on a shelf
So, little brother, get wise to yourself

Life's a bowl and it's full of cherry pits
Play it big and it throws you for a loop
That's the way with fate
Comes today, we're great
Comes tomorrow, we're tomato soup

Napoleon's a pastry
Get this under your brow
What once used to be a roostеr
Is just a duster now
DuBarry is a lipstick
Pompadour's a hairdo
Good Queen Mary just floats along from pier to pier
Vеnus De Milo is a pink brassiere

Sir Gladstone is a bag, ain't it shocking?
And the mighty Kaiser, just a stocking
The Czar of Russia is now a jar of caviar
Even Cleopatra is a black cigar

Oh yes, my honey lamb, Swift is just a ham
Lincoln's a tunnel, Coolidge is a dam
Yes, my noble lads
Comes today, we're fads
Comes tomorrow, we're all subway ads

Homer is a swat
King George, a you know what
Get this under your brow
All these big-wheel controversials
Are just commercials now

Life is just a bowl of cherries
Better get your jug of wine
And loaf of love
Before that final vow