Clayton Jennings
Depression
There's a time to laugh and a time to mourn
There's a time for less, and there's a time for more
There's a time for chess, and there's a time for war
Problem is there's just not a lotta time
Minutes turn to decades, I got a lot to hide
Poetry for my pain, can't keep it bottled up inside
3 AM in the studio, I'm throttled up this time
If you like to keep the conversation casual, well, okay that's fine
I just don't think you and me have compatible minds
If you don't think that's factual, fine
Look in the Scripture, how many facts do you find?
I say a lot, but you problem say none
Or maybe you're in the middle, then you probably say some
Used to debate people, and you probably won
But the person you debated was probably one
But then again, what do I know about probability?
I'm the one presenting myself with hostility, really?
Old heads got a lot to say but never let a fossil kill me
Back and forth, man, it's all so silly
Had to leave religion to get the Spirit to fill me
Probably is, I don't know which spirit got in
If it's not of God, then it's not your friend
I don't know where the poetry begins and reality ends
I have a hard time believing Jesus died for all of our sins
Hitler, Stalin, Osama, yo what about them?
Say a quick prayer and all three could slip in?
That doesn't add up to me
What does add up is their casualties
Divine providence or divine apathy?
You can beat me with the Bible and you can laugh at me
But so many things these days aren't adding up to me
How could God be forgiving if His people aren't?
I don't know where the high horses stop and the steeples start
But that's one saddle I got good at sitting in
I stood out 'cause I wasn't good at fitting in
And I've become an object of envy to a whole lotta men
An eye candy to the ladies, or at least a whole lotta them
Whole lotta jealousy, whole lotta sin
I told you I can't keep this stuff bottled in
Is he a poet, or is he modeling?
I wore people's opinions for a costume like it was Halloween
It was entertainment for you but hell for me
Got thrown into a spotlight, I was too dumb to see
Ran through stoplights, I was too young to breathe
And that nearly suffocated me
It's weird to be known but known by nobody
Poetry is my medicine, I never treat this like a hobby
I don't rap, I wouldn't know what to do with a beat
I never trapped, but I stay with the heat
And that's not a reference to Miami
Click-clack when they threaten my family
And it's still like that
Love Jesus, but not afraid to send someone to greet Him
Be careful, 'cause you just might meet Him
Leaving comments saying you'll do what to my daughter?
It's hard for me to pray for my enemies when I wanna see 'em all slaughtered
I'm constantly under assault but remain unbothered
Without the "un"
People come around me, I'm like, "Who's camp you in?"
I thought I had real ones 'til I got scammed by friends
Badmouth me now, but all smiles back then
They always have a way of forgetting all you did for them
My biggest flaw is that I'd do it again
If Heaven's based on perfection, there's not a chance I'll get in
Treat it with respect, I don't feel worthy
I'm only loyal to the people who hurt me
If grace isn't the ticket, I might as well not even knock
When will all of this stop?
Five people in one night had a dream I got shot
Got an e-mail by two, was told in person by three others
No wonder I wake up covered in sweat under covers
I didn't know you could be scared to fall asleep
Nightmares and visions terrify me
I fall asleep and they're there to find me
So sometimes I don't go to sleep
I put my headphones on and then I write this poetry
I have more questions than answers
This depression is cancer
I don't get it, God
But that's not my place
I speak boldly in prayer but would never say it to your face
I'll continue to follow, but just know I wanna stop
After all, you are God, and I am not