[Verse 1]
I go to the barber to get shorn
And I leave looking nothing like Shane Warne
I know it's too late to tell them to stop
So I sit down in my chair and close my eyes
'Cause I just can't watch

[Chorus]
Home haircuts
Do they ever go right?
And "What are you thinking?"
Is all I think about at night

[Verse 2]
I go to the barber to get shorn
And I leave feeling empty and forlorn
I show them a picture of Roger McGuinn
Edwyn Collins, John Lennon, David Byrne
It seems I just can't win

[Chorus]
And home haircuts
Do they ever go right?
And "What are you thinking?"
Is all I think about at night
And these hairdressers
Where can I even start?
And what are they thinking
Before they go and break my heart?
[Verse 3]
I wanted my mum to cut my hair for me
She said, "Louis, we don't need these kind of problems
In this family"
And now I'm feeling so unhappy, unhappy with my hair
And it's making me unhappy, oh yeah

[Chorus]
And home haircuts
Do they ever go right?
And "What are you thinking?"
Is all I think about at night
And these hairdressers
Where can I even start?
And what are they thinking
Before they go and break my heart?