[Intro: Uncle Dane & Dell Conagher]
Let's see here, Mr. Dell Cog-ner
Am I saying that right? Is that how you pronounce that?
Okay, well, let's just get right into it, then
Uh, you have quite the impressive résumé here
You got 11 PhDs, damn
And uh, an impressive combat experience
So... I'd like to ask you a few questions
Just to see if you'd be right for this team
Would that bet okay with you? (Nope)
Or would you rather I rap them? (Yeah)

[Verse 1: Uncle Dane & Dell Conagher]
Ever whiff on a shot? (Nope)
Ever farm a bot? (Yeah)
Ever met somebody better? (Nope)
Ever help an Engie out when he was low on his metal? (Yeah)
Spy sap? (Nope)
You good player, you attack? (Yeah)
Lemme borrow that shotgun (Nope)
Think stuns are not fun? (Yeah)
Stock weapons every loadout? (Nope)
When the gates open, go out? (Yeah)
Babysit a level one? (Nope)
Boy, you better run (Yeah)
You a feeder? (Nope)
Killer? (Yeah)
Email Eric? (Nope)
Driller? (Yeah)
You building on last? (Nope)
Now you upfront, beating on some ass? (Yeah)
Got a little killstreak? (Nope)
Got a Godlike; gotta do it all week? (Yeah)
Spamming E for the Medic? (Nope)
Pickin’ up the Medkit? (Yeah)
'Bout’a die with your Crits? (Nope)
Rockin’ dope outfits? (Yeah)
[Chorus: Uncle Dane]
Everybody builds sentries
I choose to build sentries on top of this shed
Everybody builds sentries
I’m shooting at dudes, but they already dead
Everybody builds sentries
Keepin' my name at the top of that board
Everybody builds sentries
These players be hatin’, I already dominate
Never go down
No, no, I'ma stay and get metal, yeah, yeah, yeah
I ain’t gotta wear a crown
No, no, I'ma stay and get metal, yeah, yeah, yeah
If you dead, you ain’t like me
No, no, I'ma stay and get metal, yeah, yeah, yeah
I give a fuck if you don’t like me
No, no, I'ma stay and get metal, yeah, yeah, yeah

[Verse 2: Uncle Dane & Dell Conagher]
Lazy? (Nope)
Got a wrench that’ll drive a Spy crazy? (Yeah)
Mentor? (Nope)
Erectin’ a Dispenser? (Yeah)
Trader? (Nope)
Loyal to your team; not a baiter? (Yeah)
Cheap? (Nope)
Play support to keep your team on their feet? (Yeah)
Scared of an Uber? (Nope)
You goofy goober? (Yeah)
Belly? (Nope)
Tele? (Yeah)
Miss everything and die? (Nope)
Check the corner for a Spy? (Yeah)
Trust us? (Nope)
Justice? (Yeah)
Drinkin’ like a Demo? (Nope)
Share a beer with a fella? (Yeah)
Pomson? (Nope)
Swanson? (Yeah)
Never leave the spawn without a hat (Nope)
Punch a motherfucker with a “bap” (Yeah)
Never let a friendly live a second (Nope)
Always on my toes, Spy-checkin’. (Yeah)
[Chorus: Uncle Dane]
Everybody builds sentries
I choose to build sentries on top of this shed
Everybody builds sentries
I’m shooting at dudes, but they already dead
Everybody builds sentries
Keepin' my name at the top of that board
Everybody builds sentries
These players be hatin’, I already dominate
Never go down
No, no, I'ma stay and get metal, yeah, yeah, yeah
I ain’t gotta wear a crown
No, no, I'ma stay and get metal, yeah, yeah, yeah
If you dead, you ain’t like me
No, no, I'ma stay and get metal, yeah, yeah, yeah
I give a fuck if you don’t like me
No, no, I'ma stay and get metal, yeah, yeah, yeah

[Outro: Uncle Dane & Dell Conagher]
Alright, well I think that is all that I've got for you today, Mr. Cog-ner
I will keep in touch with you about the position
I'm just gonna need your contact information here
Uh, what is your contact information? (Nope)
Uh, I'm sorry, does that mean that you're still interested or— (Yeah)
Okay, well, uh, please just stop answering with either "Nope" or "Yeah" for a second
I'm gonna need your contact information if we wanna be able to— (Nope)
Okay (Yeah), stop, okay, stop (Nope)
No, seriously (Nope), cut it out (Yeah), stop (Yeah)
No, stop, stop it (Nope), just no, just (Yeah) get out of my office, get out
Job's not available anymore, just get out
Nope