[Round 1: Darren Criss]
A kid from Stranger Things rappin' – hey, that's something new
Or should we just get Millie Bobby Brown in here for you?
Your character on TV's really prepped you for the future
'Cause by the end of the day, you're best prepared to play a loser
I know you worked from Broadway; in fact, I saw your second job
Your performance was le miserable, or should I say, Les Misérables
Listen up, I'm your elder, I'm here to give you lessons
Which is crazy; Glee's over, I thought I was done with prepubescents

[Round 1: Gaten Matarazzo]
I grew up watching Glee, and it wasn't good
So this is revenge for ruining my childhood
Ryan Murphy keeps casting you, but here's some clarity
You're so bad at acting, he can write it off as charity
Wrote a Harry Potter musical and sang every word
I'm a nerd, but that's the nerdiest shit I've ever heard
How you made it this far is just beyond belief
You've got more gaps in your career than I have in my teeth

[Round 2: Darren Criss]
You know, it's funny how you grew up watching my shows
I guess now I understand why your acting blows
Two or three more seasons, and I hear how well it pays
But if it means I gotta watch you, they oughta give me a raise
Your show's a huge success, I mean, you'd think you were the Clooneys
I just preferred it better back when it was called The Goonies
In six months, you'll be a flash in the pan
You'll be in line at Chuck E. Cheese – "Don't you know who I am?!"
[Round 2: Gaten Matarazzo]
Flash in the pan? Well, that must mean that I'm lit
I'm doing circles around you with just a learner's permit
I'm a teen who's been on Broadway almost all my life
Your only claim to fame is karaoke night
And you play a serial killer on cable TV
To be creepy, you don't have to change your personality
2011, you were the Sexiest Man Alive
You know how long ago that was? Back then, I was nine

[Round 3: Darren Criss]
You're a newbie, you're a rookie, and I'm a seasoned vet
And like all the child actors, let's get you schooled on-set
I love all the '80s references that your show did
Like, I can't believe they found a real-life Cabbage Patch Kid
But bring it back to the future, ask Google to view
"Whatever happened to them?" Well, that'll happen to you
But for now – hold on, let me just get real for a second...
Gaten, you know I'm rootin' for ya, and for you, greatness calls
And I hope you drop the mic, 'cause you've barely dropped your balls!

[Round 3: Gaten Matarazzo]
Oh, Darren raps well, that's so wild
This battle's a Build-A-Bear, 'cause you gettin' owned by a child
I starred in your band's last video shoot
I bet people only liked it if they watched it on mute
And yes, you're a vet, but nobody cares
You covered "Teenage Dream," it was an adult nightmare
You had no chance tonight against me on the stage
'Cause I'm twice the superstar you are, and half of your age!