[Intro]
Random House Audio presents
"The Inner Game of Tennis"
The classic guide to the mental side of peak performance
By W. Timothy Gallwey
Read for you by
[Pilot Interrupts]
ME!

[Verse 1: Pilot]
Oh my god, I don't know where to start
Tearing in to PidgeY 'bout to be my favourite part
You'll never find a sponsor so this Pidgey's staying wild
At the age of 25 you're still a manchild
I preach Peach 'cause I'm technical, get your ass in the lab
Your character is Yoshi bro, you can't even grab
At the end of this track you'll be a sad Yosher
And that'll be your cue to throw your controller
I bet you wish now this was back in the glory days
You was good at PM, despite what they say
But in 2017 you've become such a shitter
So get back to complaining and bitching on Twitter

[Verse 2: Majic]
How's it goin' PidgeY?
Your Yoshi is free
Swaggins couldn't make it so instead you get me
This diss track will have you screaming like a wain
How does it feel to live in the shadow of Payne?
Your results have hit rock bottom and it's really a shame
The Dundee scene is dying just like your mental game
Your Yoshi is decent
I guess you're still first
But I've been improving while you're getting worse
I run a monthly that you won't even attend
But honestly? That's really a godsend
Your local is struggling so why don't you go
'Cause everybody knows I'm the better T.O
[Verse 3: Ander]
Coming in at number 3
It's me
Your favourite top player of your favourite DLC
And Bryan Barbour Junior, soon you're gonna see that
It ain't just 'cause of matchups that I keep making you free
Cloud to Pikachu or from Iggy to Larry
I'll bop you with the cast and show you which of us is carried
I'll be honest, it's not like I wanna be cruel
But even Mr. Spuddles made it out of pools
As I keep on rising it becomes clear what you are
Kind of a small deal, a falling star
So PidgeY, you're bad, I think you get the gist
I can't wait 'till you prove it, failing at Octoberfist

[Verse 4: Yee]
Hey P I D G E capital Y
Surprised people voted for an irrelevant guy
People only know you for your angry outbursts
From the names that people know, it's clear that you're the worst
It's obscene how long you've been in the Dundee scene
Now it's 2017 and you still can't seem
To get any wins on this next generation
Always going on about how we're such a weak nation
Since moving down to Edinburgh you're no longer a star
Maybe try St. Andrews if you want top 5 on a PR
Why are you wasting money travelling?
You should just go back
And keep placing second at Giant Attack
[Verse 5: Holy shit is that Farhan again]
Bet you didn't expect to see me back so soon
It's time for you to face the wrath of Farhoon
Your loss to Moke is a joke
I hope you broke your Nintendo
'Cause when I saw I thought
That's not a Scot I wanna see go
Out and about being being loud to a crowd about his own scene
Not being good when it's him that should stop being so mean
Even in friendlies your attitude is toxic
Keep that shit up and you'll never make top 6
I don't need to dye my hair to get people's attention
Because my personality has more than two dimensions
You're washed up now
You've had your moment of fame
Make like you did with Marvel and pick up a different game