One is you
Two is me
Three’s a baby
Four’s the family

Buy the cake
Buy the ring
Get the knife
Stick it in
Cos it all adds up you’ve got one stab at love

Cos I’m gonna love you till you die
Cos I’m gonna love you till you die

Five is love
Six is plastic
Sven’s money
Eight’s fantastic

Buy the car
Buy the House
Get the Wheels
Flick the mouse
Cos it all adds up you’ve got one stab at love

Slap your kids
Hit your wife
Cos you hate your life
Screw the f-word in your fist
Cross the numbers off your list
You’ll never be much wiser than a failed womaniser
For once in your life be a man and expire
Chorus