[Intro]
Waitress, waitress, waitress

[Verse 1]
I have to clear your table
So I wipe it
It's right to keep it clean
So I clean
Yes—I clean
Do you clean?
Yes—I clean it

[Verse 2]
I have to empty ash trays
I empty them
It's right to keep them clean
So I clean
Yes—I clean
I'm the queen of the clean

[Chorus]
...And I'd probably
Be famous now
If I wasn't
Such a good waitress, waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress, waitress
[Verse 3]
I am a drag at parties
'Cause it upsets me
To see so many empties
And I have to pick them up
Or I have to go home

[Bridge]
...But sometimes I have nightmares
And the ashtrays are filling up
And I can't find my section
And the bottles are flying through the air
Like crazy autumn leaves
And I can't find my section
I lost my section
I lost my section
I can't find it
Somebody help me please
I am in quicksand
I am in mud to my knees
Help me...

[Verse 4]
I have to clear your table
Excuse me
It's right to keep it clean
So I clean
Yes—I clean
Do you clean?
Yes—I clean it
[Verse 5]
I have to know the regulars
Well—I don't have to
But I like to know their names
And I know them even better
When they're nice to me

[Chorus]
...And I'd probably
Be famous now
If I wasn't
Such a good waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress
Waitress, waitress
Waitress