After nine years in the army
They took away his brain
They tattooed "defect" on his brow
And signed him up again

He killed ten thousand Germans
A hundred Japanese
A family of Hindus
And a lot of Portugese
Nine plan failed

I could never see the point
Of showing them you're boss
When they drag you through the city streets
And naiI you to a cross

They took him to the office
They strapped him to the bed
They fastened lots of pretty wires
Securely to his head
They wheeled him down the corridor
Upon a metal trolley
Now he wears big spectacles
And he sings like Buddy Holly
Nine plan failed
I could never see the point
Of showing them you're boss
When they drag you through the city streets
And nail you to a cross

The world declared its armistice
And took away his guns
And now he satisfies himself
On piss-weak tea and buns
On piss-weak tea and buns
Uh-oh at the disco

Rome is very pretty
And Rome is very grand
But the Pope lost his four fingers
When they gave this boy his hand to kiss
When they gave this boy his hand to kiss
It wasn't funny, no

He wasn't very good at school
His highest grade was C
But he believed the managers
When they said, "You leave it all to me"
They gave him suits from Savile Row
The quality so fine
And now he sits in the desert wastes
Just waiting for the sign
Nine plan failed