[Verse 1: Heath Cottengim]
Torture with four corners, enough monotony to
Make you want to jump the border, I didn’t stutter
No fast forward through the boredom, offer my apology to the brothers who wasted their whole summer. Almost any other would have been better, open letter to the
Industry, you kidding me? You call this entertainment?
I’d send it back, but I can’t ascertain where the game went
More days spent than the monster in my basement
This is not a sponsored statement
'Cause I know Hasbro has no respect
I don’t expect a perfect set, yet I’d suggest
It’s time to reflect on your legacy when your best
Seller gives less pleasure than an appendectomy
Take lives touch the sides accidentally
Hippocratic Oath don’t apply if there’s no batteries
Wait that’s Operation, my apologies
Those of you against me coming to the game’s defense
Please check your brain stem cause that makes
No sense. Since when do friends pretend to test their
Patience chasing payments, from your neighbor
Feel the hate in this real estate simulator
Pay the the price when the dice aren’t in your favor
No savior coming for this failed crusader
No faith, going down like an elevator

[Bridge: Heath Cottengim]
We can’t let what has always been always be
You have the power to choose and you deserve better
And I trust the world to make the right decision
And that decision is:
Anything but monopoly

[Verse 2: Heath Cottengim]
It’s tragic, the masses call it a classic just be
Cause your great aunt had it in her attic, someone do the
World a favor, and shove it back in her casket
Me drastic? Get passed it. Face facts if your
Last foray lasted less than four hours
You probably quit, just admit it, we’re all cowards It
Takes superpowers to sit through this
Endless like an abyss, Miserable like les mis. Keeps you
Playing like villain keeps his hostages. Worst part
Is, all that time wasted going in circles on a
Square, laissez faire ain’t that fair. At
Least the Bataan Death March was going somewhere, If you
Had to look it up, you can’t be offended. Yeah I’ll be
Dropping these bars the way World War II ended (Boom)
Fun fact: during the war the game was used to
Rescue British POWs as an
Excuse to slip supplies past the Nazis
Pity, you would have saved more lives with Yahtzee
Don’t need an autopsy
Death by boredom, award ‘em posthumously
Critics of this song won’t get the subtext
Do some analytics on the would-be ingredients
20% literal, 80% figurative
Less about the vitriol, more about how to live
Give the new some cred, don’t add waste, If you
Like what you’ve been spoon-fed, you have bad taste
If you still don’t understand what I’m saying
You’ll have to replay this because I’m done playing